


The Stranger on the Train

by Ambienthands



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bearded Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, College Setting, Disabled Bucky Barnes, First Dates, M/M, Medium Burn, Minor Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Past Bucky Barnes/Brock Rumlow, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Professor Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Shrunkyclunks, Skinny Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers is a film professor, Steve isn't a good boyfriend to Sharon, bucky Barnes has anxiety, but like for two chapters, flawed Steve Rogers, jaintor Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25701394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambienthands/pseuds/Ambienthands
Summary: He gives Steve an annoyed look and speaks. “You know you shouldn't be sitting in the middle seat.” The man’s voice was filled with nothing but anger.Steve looks over to his right, the man had a blue beanie with a hole on the side, his hair reached to his shoulder and he had a faint stubble on his face. The man’s eyes were filled with exhaustion and all Steve could do was stay silent before looking away from the man. He didn’t want to cause a scene; this man was clearly not in the mood. Steve got up and moved to the window seat. He looks back at the young man who was visibly irritated and offers him a handshake."I'm sorry."or where Bucky gets mad at Steve for sitting in the middle seat on the train after a long day at work.WIP
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 13
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for class April, we had to take a metro story and turn it into a screenplay. The premise felt like something you would find in a fan fiction- so here we are. This one is gonna be pretty short and light hearted. Just a warning though, the first two chapters does mention Steve/Sharon and Steve being a pretty bad boyfriend.

It was a late Friday night, the sky was matt black, and the air was crispy. Steve was standing by the benches at the train station. The only person accompanying him was the man behind Steve, who was pacing back and forth. Steve could hear low music as well as muttering coming from the man behind him. Steve focused on the way the man dragged his shoes against the pavement but made no attempt to turn around to get a better look. Steve’s phone suddenly goes off. He pats down his jacket pockets. He grabs hold of his phone and brings it to his ear.

“Hello? -- Oh, I'm sorry--- know I promised I wouldn't run late tonight,” Steve said, taking a seat on the bench. Steve could hear the strain in Sharon’s voice. He can hint at the frustration coming from the other side of the line. Sharon has been giving him a hard time about working late at the university. He couldn’t blame her. The past month, Steve has been staying behind at work and only getting a glimpse of Sharon in the morning and late at night. Steve could barely recall the last time he sat with her for a few hours and asked how her day was. If he was perfectly honest, he wasn’t exactly upset about that. Anytime he was around her, his stomach would begin to twist, and he found himself withdrawing from their interaction.

“You know how Friday can get for me? --- You know how it is?” Steve inhales as he pinches the bridge of his nose. Friday wasn’t his busiest day either, it was just Sharon’s day off, and she was practically living with him now. Her clothes were in his closet, her makeup scattered around his nightstand, and her books stacked up in his living room. She has made an attempt at having the conversation with Steve about moving in with him, but Steve always found a way to avoid the conversation all together that Sharon no longer brings it up. 

“I'll be home soon- I will. I will.”

He could hear Sharon sigh into the phone. She sounded defeated as if she could no longer argue with Steve. He felt the guilt build up in his chest. He knew he was in the wrong. He knew he had no business being at the university past 10 pm. The office closed at 9 pm, and he would then go to the food court to get something to eat. Steve was finding every reason to ignore the elephant in the room, and it seemed like Sharon was catching on. Steve was running out of ways to avoid Sharon. 

Steve felt the man shift behind him. He found himself turning Sharon out as he turned his body slightly to look at the man who was now leaning against the wall, slowly sinking into the ground and burying his face into his palms. Steve quickly turned his attention back to Sharon once he heard her calling his name through the phone. 

“You don't have to stay up for me. I already ate---- you didn't have to cook me anything. Sharon. Sharon. Listen, I'll eat it. Fine... it’s fine,” Steve said, beginning to get agitated; he was having the same conversation he always had with her. Steve just wanted to tell her to just go to sleep. He didn’t have the energy for the conversation that was unfolding. He was never this assertive when talking to her, but it seemed like the more they stayed on the line, the more he felt like he was going to snap any minute. He wasn’t angry with her. Steve was just frustrated with himself.

“I gotta go… soon. Bye... bye,” Steve says once the train arrives. He shoves his phone in his coat pocket, getting up from his seat and walking towards the train. Steve steps onto the train. Steve scans his surroundings. The seats were all taken except for one row. Steve sits in the middle of the three-seat row, letting out a grunt as he shifted in his seat. The man that was with Steve at the stop steps onto the train, moving his head right to the left. Steve could still hear the man’s music lightly playing as he walks towards Steve and takes a seat next to him. 

He gives Steve an annoyed look and speaks. “You know you shouldn't be sitting in the middle seat.” The man’s voice was filled with nothing but anger. 

Steve looks over to his right. The man had a blue beanie with a hole on the side, his hair reached to his shoulder, and he had a faint stubble on his face. The man’s eyes were filled with exhaustion, and all Steve could do was stay silent before looking away from the man. He didn’t want to cause a scene; this man was clearly not in the mood. Steve got up and moved to the window seat. He looks back at the young man who was visibly irritated and offers him a handshake.

“I'm sorry.”

The man looks at Steve's hand, he shakes it with a scowl, and Steve swore he could feel the man tighten his grip on his hand before letting go. Steve just turns to the window and puts in his headphone as the man looks away from Steve, crossing his arms. Steve did not have time to get mad over some guy on the train. 

Did it get to him? Yes. Everything gets to Steve, but all he could do was focus on the fact that he was going to have to talk to Sharon when he got home. This was going to be his only peace before he had to face her, waiting for the moment she confronts him. She’s going to catch on. Eventually, Steve thinks. If you leave someone with their thoughts, they learn a lot from that time, and Steve has left Sharon alone for some time. 

The last time he’s really had a real moment with Sharon was a month ago, and it was a painful interaction. They just sat there at his small dining table after work and talked about their day. It was awkward and forced. She just set the mood, ordering their favorite food, wore a beautiful black dress that Steve always liked, and even moved her hands down his arm slowly to get him to relax, but Steve excused himself, retreating to his room. 

Steve wasn’t able to touch Sharon. It wasn’t like she wouldn’t let him. It was that he didn’t want to. He just had no urge to be near her in that way. He could see she was starving for his affection, but he was unable to give that to her. Anytime he forced himself to get intimate with her, whether it was cuddling, holding hands, or even kissing, Steve would suddenly feel uncomfortable. It didn’t feel right. 

Steve notices movement from the corner of his eyes. He looks over where the man is seated. He was frowning, adjusting himself in his seat as he placed his hand to his mouth, shaking his leg. Steve couldn’t help but feel bad for the guy. He seemed pretty anxious with the way he was moving around in his seat. A few minutes go by, and Steve once again sees movement from his peripheral vision. Steve turned to find the man had his arm extended towards Steve, causing him to take out his headphones.

“I'm sorry-y that was my fault. You did nothing wrong.”

Steve let out a breath and shakes the man’s hand. He found himself noting how shaky the man was as he moved away from the man’s touch. The train stopped, and Steve hadn’t realized that they were the only two left on the train. They both stood up and walked out of the train, sneaking glances at one another. Steve could have easily left it from there. He got an apology. Yet Steve was standing outside with the man, debating if he should say something else. “I’m Bucky,” the man finally said, breaking the silence. It seemed like Bucky was having the same thoughts running through his head too. They stood there for a second, standing at the empty train stop. 

“Steve.”

Bucky nods. His face was a lot calmer, no longer looking scrunched up like earlier. They slowly begin walking together, both not sure why they were still in one another’s presence. “Do you always take out your anger on strangers?” Steve broke out. He gives Bucky a slight grin to ease the tension. Bucky rolls his eyes, shoving his hand in his coat pocket. 

“What kind of person sits in a middle seat when the entire row is empty?” Bucky turns to Steve as they walk down the steps. Steve lets out a chuckle, looking away from Bucky’s gaze, and shakes his head. They continue walking, heading towards the bridge as cars passed them by.

“But I was wrong. There was no need for me to act the way I did. Tonight just isn't my night,” Bucky explained, giving Steve a sympathetic smile. 

“Work?” Steve asked in a comforting tone. 

Bucky takes his hand out of his pocket and unzips his coat, showing his uniform from under his coat. “What else would it be?” Bucky asked, leaving his coat unzipped. “Yeah, I know what you mean, just got done working myself.” Steve hadn’t realized how slow the two were walking, the two men just awkwardly glancing at one another while smiling to themselves. “Where do you work at?” Bucky asked. Steve takes a second on debating on whether he should really answer and decides there was no harm in conversing with Bucky. He seemed harmless.

“At a university, I’m a professor.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raise slightly. He presses his lips together and tilts his head. “Wow, what do you teach?” Bucky asked. Steve bites his bottom lip, scratching his beard. Bucky was interesting, the way he went from being an asshole to Steve to be friendly. His face was relaxed, and he looked at Steve with a curious eye.

“Film. I focus on history if we’re being specific.”

“Oh, really?” Bucky’s face lights up, and Steve swears his face begins to warm up. The way this man’s face broke into a smile made Steve feel at ease. He couldn’t help but find Bucky a little attractive, even if he was hiding under a beanie and hair. 

“So, what do you do on a normal school day?”

“I... well, I teach one class about the first half of film history—the silent film era, German expressionism, the Hayes code... stuff like that. I show them films, and we have discussions. I also teach a course on how to analyze films... like the use of sound- “ Steve cuts himself off, realizing he was just talking to a stranger about his classes, could this man truly care on what I have to say? Probably not. Steve’s confidence falters as he awkwardly scratches the back of his neck.

“Oh yeah, stuff like that,” Steve finishes off, looking away from Bucky’s gaze. Bucky just gives him an impressed look, sticking out his bottom lip. “That sounds fun. I love movies, I couldn’t imagine studying it,” Bucky confesses, his voice sounding genuine that it makes Steve’s heart flutter. Steve nods, and they stop walking, standing at a street corner surrounded by tall apartment buildings, there was no one in sight.

“What do you do?” Steve asked. He watched as Bucky went quiet, looking uncomfortable.

“I work as a custodian...” Bucky trailed off. Steve’s darted to what Bucky was wearing, a blue long sleeve with James's name sewed into it. James? Steve thought to himself as he eyed down Bucky. He had keys dangling from his pants and a pair of black gloves sticking out from his pocket. Bucky was visibly embarrassed, finally zipping back up his coat once he takes notice of where Steve was staring.

“It pays the bills, but I don’t know,” Bucky continued on. Steve frowns at the way Bucky felt like he had to explain himself.

“There’s no reason to feel ashamed,” Steve said, patting Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky’s eyes land on Steve’s hand on his shoulder before glancing at Steve’s attire. He was wearing a nice black trench coat, a dark red scarf wrapped around his neck, and a white knitted sweater under his coat. Steve looked and dressed nice, and Bucky noticed that. Steve could see the way Bucky looked at him. While Bucky had a worn black sling bag, Steve had a nice leather bag that was strapped around his chest. Steve could see the way Bucky hunches over, darting his eyes away from Steve.

“I’m not ashamed, but most people don’t exactly look at me with respect,” Bucky shrugged, looking down awkwardly at his boots. 

Steve wasn’t sure how to respond. He didn’t want to pity the guy. He really thought nothing of Bucky’s job. If anything, he believed Bucky was being underappreciated and probably underpaid for his work. Steve let the silence settle for a minute, the two men glancing up at one another once in a while. Steve could easily tell Bucky he had to go. He didn’t commit to a conversation with a man he just met. Steve stayed, though.

“Do you do anything outside of work?”

Bucky looks up. He blinks at the question before responding. “I get mad at strangers on the train,” Bucky said dryly, smiling hesitantly like he was waiting for Steve’s reaction. Steve laughs, and Bucky relaxes his shoulders. “So... this is an ongoing thing?” Steve says with an amused look on his face. Bucky looks away from Steve for a minute, trying to hide the smile that grew on his face. 

“Yeah, I think it might be a problem.”

“I see that,” Steve said, matching Bucky’s playful tone.

“But really... I’m not like that. I usually hate assholes like that, but I think I just wanted to be alone, and you just caught me off guard,” Bucky explained, attempting to be more serious and sincere. Steve took note of the statement, I just wanted to be alone. Steve wanted to ask the stranger about it, he didn’t know why he cared. 

“Really... no worries- I didn’t mean to drag you into talking to me,” Steve apologies. 

“Oh! No. You’re good. If anything, I’m holding you up. I’m pretty sure someone’s waiting for you home.” Steve looks at him with a confused look. “You are very loud, Steve,” Bucky explained, referring to the phone call from the train stop. Steve closes his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. Steve understood the reference and felt a wave of embarrassment.

“My bad, I didn’t realize I was talking so loud,” Steve said awkwardly, rubbing his neck. He could feel his phone vibrating but choose to ignore it. “That’s fine, man, like I said. I don’t want to hold you up,” Bucky said but didn’t make any attempt to move. They both exhaled, a fog appearing into the cold air. Steve stared at Bucky, taking notice of the way Bucky’s tired eyes were more alert. 

“You aren’t... trust me, you aren’t.”

They stood there for a moment, Steve’s mind wandering. He wanted to see if he could talk to Bucky a little longer. He wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to avoid Sharon back home or if it was how easy it was to talk to Bucky. “Did you eat anything yet?” Steve found himself asking. Bucky was taken aback by the question, his eyes going round. 

“Uh- I was just going to skip eating tonight,” Bucky said with a shrug. Steve nods to himself, sensing the confusion coming from Bucky. “This is gonna sound... odd, but there is a diner close by here.” Bucky tilts his head, raising his eyebrow “ok?” Bucky said, squinting at Steve. Steve realizes that his statement didn’t sound like an invitation, so he tries again. He didn’t want to sound too forward.

“I was going to head there anyway-” that was a lie, but Steve wasn’t gonna admit he was avoiding his girlfriend back at home “-so, if you want to join me... you don’t have to worry about paying.” Steve then gives Bucky a smile, it was a pretty weak smile, but for some reason, Steve felt lightheaded from just asking to join him for dinner. It was 11:45 pm, Bucky probably needs to get home. 

“I feel like I should be the one offering dinner after how I acted,” a little smirk crept on Bucky’s face. Steve lets out a shaky breath. Bucky wasn’t finding their interaction weird at all-or if he is, he doesn’t seem to care. The last thing Steve wanted was Bucky to be turned off by his behavior. “Yeah... Sure, it beats going to sleep for dinner,” Bucky said jokingly, but Steve frowns at the comment. Bucky catches that and gives him a reassuring smile. 

“It’s a joke- kind of. How far is this place?” Bucky said, clearly trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. Steve could see that Bucky didn’t want him to feel bad. Steve points at the street sign. 

“If we take this route, it will only take us ten minutes,” Steve pointed at one of the street signs before looking over to Bucky, trying to read his face. Bucky just nods, not giving away what he was thinking. They began walking, accompanied by Bucky’s music that was still playing lightly. It sounded old but familiar to Steve. He didn’t mind the music in the slightest. He just listened along as Bucky raised the volume a little.

Steve could feel his phone vibrating, he knew it was Sharon. He promised Sharon he’d be home as soon as the train dropped him off. He also told her he already ate, but he’s with Bucky, on his way to a diner. Steve was feeling guilty again, he was making his situation worse, and yet at this moment in time, Steve didn’t want to think about it. Steve just hit the side button of his phone without taking it out of his pocket. He will deal with this when he gets home unless she does end up going to sleep. Steve kind of hoped she does. He wasn’t mentally prepared for the argument that would unfold when he got home. 

Once they arrived at the diner, Steve found himself rushing to the door and opening it for Bucky, receiving a flustered look from Bucky. He said nothing, and the two men enter the diner. They took a booth seat and sat at the dim table. Bucky places his bag on his left side, moving his body towards the window. Steve sitting opposite from him, does the same. The diner wasn’t busy, but there were quite a few people. Steve didn’t mind, though. He enjoyed blending into his surroundings. A woman approached the two men, giving them an exhausted smile. She hands them their menus and one sheet that had specials of the week plastered on the top.

“Hello, I’m Erica. I’ll be your waitress this evening. Do you guys want to start off with a drink?” 

Bucky looked at Steve, like how a kid would look at their parents for permission to speak. Steve just gives him an amused look, “it's ok,” he mouthed before looking back at the waitress. 

“I’ll just have water,” Steve said.

“And do you want anything, sir?” Erica asked, looking over at Bucky. 

“Uh... black tea, please,” Bucky said almost in a whisper. Steve just looked over at Bucky with a smirk. This was the same man that snapped at him on the train. Now he’s nervous at a diner. How precious. The women nodded, telling them she’d be right back with their drinks before rushing off. 

“Can I ask you something, Bucky?”

“Sure,” Bucky said, with more confidence.

“Why’d you agree to come here with me?” Steve rests his chin on his hand, propping his elbow on the table. 

“Why’d you invite me when you already had dinner?” Bucky said, leaning back, this time he was the one looking at Steve with amusement. That caught Steve off guard. He really hadn’t realized that his voice was so loud that Bucky was able to hear everything he had said on the phone. 

Steve tried to read Bucky’s facial expression but couldn’t pick up on whether Bucky was judging him or not. “I really need to learn to talk in a low voice,” Steve mumbled to himself. He runs his fingers through his hair and looks down at the table. Bucky just cracked a smile, “maybe I shouldn’t have listened to your conversation.” Steve looks up from the table. He lets out a sigh before saying: “I don’t want to go home right now.” Steve was debating if he should even tell a complete stranger about his relationship problems. If he should hint at it at least.

“That bad?” Bucky said softly, his smile drops.

Yes. It’s that bad. His mind was always thinking about it. Steve didn’t want to admit it, but he was miserable. Yet, he was still with Sharon. He was leading her on while she thought they are happily in love. Steve was drained of any kind of emotion for her. He knew he didn’t love her, he cared about her, but- he wasn’t in love with her.

“It’s just draining.”

Before Bucky could respond, Erica comes back, setting their drinks down and placing another cup that was filled with milk. “Do you guys know what you want?” She asked. The two men hadn’t even opened the menu yet. Steve tells her if they could have another minute, and she nods before walking off. They finally open the menu, Bucky scanning the pages while Steve took one glance at the menu and closed it. He wasn’t hungry. 

“What are you getting?” Steve asked.

“I think the chicken soup.”

“The chicken- Bucky are you picking based off the price?”

Bucky just nods, sinking into his seat. Steve just smiles. Bucky was trying to be considerate about his wallet, how sweet.

“I told you it’s on me. Get whatever you want. We can even order appetizers if you’d like,” Steve said in a low voice, which causes Bucky to turn slightly red. He nods again before sitting back up in his seat. The waitress returns and asks if they were ready. Steve looked over at Bucky. He nods his head to indicate that he could order. “Could we get the fried calamari as appetizers?” Bucky asked the waitress; she smiles and nods as she wrote down his order. 

“And for the main course?”

“I’ll get the chicken quesadilla,” Steve said.

“And you, sir?” Erica turned to Bucky.

“Cheeseburger... with fries,” Bucky sounded so unsure of himself, his voice shaking a little. They both handed the women the menus back, and she informed them that she’ll be back with their appetizers shortly.

“So... you never answered my question,” Steve said in an attempt to bring the mood up. 

“Which was?”

“Why’d you agree to come here with me?”

“You know that movie Before Sunrise?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I was feeling that kind of moment between us,” Bucky said. Steve could catch his sarcasm in his voice. The way Bucky was looking at him with such ease. It was kind of comical. 

“You felt a connection too?” Steve followed along with Bucky. He was now leaning closer, his chest leaned against the edge of the table. He noticed the way Bucky’s eyes flickered down before quickly looking back up but makes no comment on the matter.

“Yeah, of course, I did.” 

Steve felt his chest tighten a little. He takes off his jacket and scarf, hanging it on the hook that was at the booth seat. When Steve sits back down, Erica returns with their appetizers before telling them to enjoy. Steve didn’t want Bucky to feel weird by eating alone, so he occasionally took calamari, but he really just wanted Bucky to eat the majority of it. He could tell the man was hungry. His face lit up at the sight of the food, and he was trying to stuff as much as he could in his mouth. 

“This is why I said yes,” Bucky finally said, dipping the calamari in the sauce and taking a bite, beaming at Steve.

“I figured as much.”

“Don’t be down if it helps. I’m glad I’m eating with you.”

“I think it’ll be fine.”

After ten minutes, Erica came back with their food, and Steve swore he heard a gasp of excitement from Bucky. Steve really wasn’t that hungry, but he ate anyway as he watched Bucky enjoy his burger. He even asked Steve if it was ok for him to order a coke, and all Steve did was laugh and nod. Steve noticed that Bucky was still wearing his coat, his face still hiding under his worn-out beanie. 

He didn’t want to seem like he was watching Bucky, but- he was. He knew he was staring, but he couldn’t help it. Bucky was nice looking. He was more than nice looking to Steve, but he couldn’t bring himself to accept that he was attracted to this stranger. 

“Bucky, you can get take off your coat if you want…” Steve trailed off. He noticed the slight shift in Bucky’s facial expression, like Steve said the wrong thing. He pauses for a moment as he put down his half-eaten burger. He looks back at Steve, his eyes were slightly wide, and he was licking his lips, unsure of what to do. “If you don’t-t mind,” Bucky said. Steve frowns at the response, but before he can say anything, Bucky slowly shrugs off his coat. 

Steve understood why Bucky reacted the way he did. His left sleeve was tied in a knot. Steve looked at Bucky, who was watching Steve. He wanted to see how Steve would react, but Steve didn’t. He simply said: “Better, right?” 

“Yeah… it was kind of stuffy,” Bucky mumbled, but he doesn’t start eating again. He just keeps staring at Steve. 

Steve catches on and stops eating himself, leaning closer to the table. “Are you ok?” Steve asked; he furrowed his eyebrows. Bucky lets out a nervous chuckle as he looks away from Steve’s gaze. “I’m not making you uncomfortable?" Steve moves his hand closer to Bucky before retreating it back to his side. “No. Bucky, why would I?” Steve asked, his voice was filled with concern. Bucky was taken aback by how soothing Steve was. He looks up a little but doesn’t meet Steve’s eyes.

“I just assumed- maybe I shouldn’t assume,” Bucky cuts himself off. 

“I’m not uncomfortable, far from it. I’m sorry that I made you feel like that,” Steve said. He wanted to sit next to Bucky but knew that would be crossing a line. Bucky finally looked up from his plate. He takes a deep breath. “You’re really nice. It’s kind of hard to believe it,” Bucky said. There was a hint of humor in his voice, and Steve took that opportunity to lighten up the mood.

“I wouldn’t say nice. If anything, I’m being an ass,” Steve leaned back in his seat once Bucky started eating again. Steve knew he wasn’t nice. If he was nice, he would be home with his girlfriend and tell her that he was-

“Don’t be so humble, Steven.”

Steve’s heart skips a beat, his face feeling warm. “That’s not my name,” Steve rolled his eyes. He takes the last bite of his food and pushes his plate to the side. “Oh, just take the compliment,” Bucky continued as he laughed to himself, receiving him another eye roll from Steve. 

Steve points at the name tag that’s sewed onto his uniform, “James, is it?” Steve smirks.

“Oh, look, he can read,” Bucky scoffed.

“Is Bucky some kind of nickname?”

“Yes, I don’t really like the name, James.”

The rest of their interaction stayed lighthearted. Bucky was no longer on edge whenever Erica came by to check on them and seemed to lead most of the conversation, which Steve didn’t mind. He hadn’t realized how much he enjoyed hearing Bucky talk until there were brief moments of silence before one of them broke it.

Steve didn’t mention Sharon to Bucky. He did, however, feel his phone vibrating up until 12:30. Steve assumed she gave up on contacting him. He was ignoring her calls. Steve knew he was an asshole. He didn’t at least try to be truthful with her. Bucky was keeping his mind off things, though, so he wasn’t exactly thinking about Sharon. 

“I think I should head home,” Bucky said, stretching his arm. “I have worked at 5 am,” Bucky shrugged, causing Steve’s face drops, “oh man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hold you up-” Steve gets cut off by Bucky’s laugh. “Stop apologizing. I knew what I was doing,” Bucky said, grabbing his bag and sliding out of the booth. Steve does the same, grabbing his coat and scarf, getting himself together before heading towards the front desk. 

“Listen, by the time you get home, you’ll have maybe three hours of sleep.”

Steve pays the bill at the front desk, grabbing a mint and walking out with Bucky, who continues laughing at Steve. 

“I’m fine. Yeah, will I get any sleep? Yeah, but one night won’t kill me. Really, it’s no issue,” Bucky said, giving him a wide smile. It was a nice smile. The crinkle in the corner of Bucky’s eyes was something Steve could stop staring at. Steve couldn’t help but smile back. 

They walked down the empty street, Steve still finding an excuse to avoid going back to Sharon, but Bucky had to go home. Steve knew that he also knew that he was minutes away from facing Sharon. 

“Well... my place is the opposite direction of where you’re headed, so...” Bucky trailed off like he was waiting for Steve to say something. Steve did want to say something, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. 

“Goodnight, Steve.”

Steve couldn’t help but frown, “goodnight Bucky,” he sighs, unable to say anything further as he watched Bucky take a few steps back. He gives a little nod before turning around and walking down the dimly lit street. Steve didn’t move from where he was standing until he could no longer see Bucky. 

Steve could feel his stomach getting tight, his breathing becoming shaky as he thought of excuses to tell Sharon. Nothing came to mind. He couldn’t justify his actions to Sharon, and now he was going to have to face her head-on. Once he reached the door of his apartment, his body began to tremble, attempting to catch his breath as he unlocked the door.

Steve entered his apartment. It was dark. The only light source that was on was the night light in the kitchen. Steve set his coat and bag on the couch as he attempted to collect himself. Had she fallen asleep? Is she waiting for me in my room? Did she leave? 

Steve wasn’t sure why he was getting nervous. He could have easily avoided this. He could have been a good boyfriend and left work at the appropriate time. There wouldn’t be this big build up in his chest. Steve went to the bathroom, throwing water on his face, and took a minute to collect himself. 

Steve musters up enough energy to leave the bathroom and enters the bedroom. He turned on the lamp and Sharon wasn’t there. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was relieved. Steve hadn’t had his own bed in a while. Sharon practically lived in his apartment. Her belongings were still here with him. So, he knew she didn’t pack up and leave. Sharon probably realized what Steve was doing and didn’t want to deal with being in the same room as him. Steve knew he wouldn’t if he was in her position.

As he began to get ready for bed, he saw a note on his nightstand. He sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed a small piece of paper, skimming through the words.

Steve.

I left your dinner in the fridge if you’re still hungry. I decided I’m better off sleeping at my own place. I want you to meet me for lunch at 2:30, the cafe we always go to by my place, and you are going to explain everything.

\- Sharon

Steve felt worse than before. He was a horrible boyfriend. He couldn’t defend himself on that. He wasn’t even trying with Sharon anymore. He never took her out, he never spent time with her, and he hadn’t given her any form of affection in such a long time. Steve knew what was eating him up, but he was content with just avoiding Sharon as much as possible. Now he had to face her. He could at least give her that. She deserved better.

Steve laid back in bed and thought over what he was going to tell Sharon. The truth. He wasn’t going to drag this out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very long, so I really hope you enjoy! I'm still keeping this story light but I definitely want to add a little bit more layers to Steve and Bucky.

Steve was sitting at one of the tables placed outside of the cafe. He decided that he’d be better off to be early, so early that he came in at 1. He wanted to ease into his surroundings so when Sharon would finally arrive, he would be ready. He wasn’t prepared though. He wanted to run. He wanted Sharon to just leave him.  _ Oh, god, I sound horrible!  _ Steve’s legs were shaking. He kept looking around to see if he could spot Sharon. He knew what he had to tell Sharon. The issue was how he was going to say it.

When Steve spotted Sharon walking in his direction, he had the urge to turn and head back home. Away from Sharon, away from the conversation they were about to hold. Steve stayed put, however, feeling the tension build as Sharon sat across from him in silence. Her face was visibly upset. Steve couldn’t even look her in the eye. He could see how last night was the last straw. He crossed a line, and now he was paying for it. She looked defeated, her body slightly slouching, and her eyes were red. Steve felt his chest clench, his fingers running through his hair with a shaky hand.

Sharon cleared her throat, which grabbed Steve’s attention as she attempted to keep her composer. She took in a deep breath before facing Steve, giving him a straight face, “what’s going on?” She asked. Sharon sounded concerned, looking sympathetically at Steve.  _ God, I’m an asshole,  _ Steve thought, swallowing dryly. __ Steve leaned closer to the table, rubbing his temples as he attempts to think of the right words. He wanted to be honest but not harsh. He hurt Sharon enough, and his goal wasn’t to make her feel worse.

“I’m sorry Sharon...” Steve trailed off, his voice weak.

“I need to- I need to understand. I feel like a stranger to you.”

Steve was finding it harder to talk. He felt a hard, quick pulse in his throat. She looked at him with such pain. He hurt her. He was dragging her into his own issues and couldn’t even be honest with her.

“I know... I’m sorry. I never wanted this- I never... I don’t know how I can say this.”

Sharon took a moment. It was like she was trying to prepare herself for what Steve was going to say. She knew the relationship was over, it was over for a long time, but Steve just wasn’t able to tell her that. There was tension between them, and Steve could no longer ignore the way they were growing apart from one another. “I’m not mad... I was last night, but I know something is eating at you. What you could at least do is be honest with me- I just want to know what’s going on,” Sharon pleaded, pressing her lips into a thin line. She was right. He had to tell her.  _ Just say it. _

“I-I... I haven’t been able to feel anything with you- romantically and other uh stuff -“ Steve pauses, looking over at Sharon who’s face slightly flinched at his sentence, but she waited for Steve to finish. “I really care about you, Sharon. I do. The issue is- I’m not- fuck ok,” Steve grunted, he knew what he was feeling, but he never had outright said it out loud. “It’s ok, Steve. Don’t rush yourself,” Sharon said in a sympathizer voice.

_ And this is why you don’t deserve her, _ Steve thought, making it even harder for him to form words. He could feel his body shaking a little. There weren’t people around for him to even be freaking out. They were alone. “I never wanted to admit this, god, when I met you, I was so amazed. You were everything I wanted, and I thought that was enough. That we could be together but-” Steve took a deep breath. He hated how he kept avoiding what he was thinking. 

“I keep looking at other people.”

_ That wasn’t worded right.  _

“Other people?” Sharon frowned, leaning back in her seat. Steve could see the panic in her eyes.

“Other men,” Steve finally said. There was silence. Sharon’s eyebrows raised. It was clear she wasn’t expecting Steve’s response. Steve’s face began to grow haggard with worry, being unable to read Sharon’s face. Steve’s hand grabbed at the arm of the chair, his stomach contracting into a tight ball. 

“Have you ever-”

“No,” Steve cuts her off, realizing where the question was headed. He never cheated. Steve knew he wasn’t the best boyfriend, but he could never betray Sharon’s trust. “I just avoided being with you because… I didn’t want to acknowledge this. Every time I was with you, I kept... I kept thinking about what it would be like to be with- to be with a man. I felt horrible. I still do. I mean, what’s wrong with me,” Steve buried his face into his hands. He felt such shame. He was making Sharon look bad and couldn’t bring himself to look at her anymore.

He heard a chair sliding against the ground and the footsteps.  _ Did she leave? _ He suddenly felt a hand on his back. He looked up and met Sharon’s eyes. She was tearing up. Sharon pulled Steve into a hug, rubbing his back. Steve melted into her hug, his face buried into the crook of her neck. “I’m not upset... I’m upset that you couldn’t come to me earlier, but Steve,” Sharon pulled away slightly from the hug, looking at Steve’s face. His cheeks were red, and his eyes were slightly watery. He was trying really hard to not cry. Steve felt like he didn’t deserve Sharon’s comfort. He had no right to seek support from someone he had been avoiding for the past months.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. I’m sad that the man I love wants... well, another man,” she laughed weakly, causing Steve to chuckle, looking down at his feet. Sharon placed her hand under his chin to make him look at her. She gave him a tender smile; Steve could see the hurt in her eyes as her lips grew thin and firm.

“But now it’s out and opens. We both can move on from this,” she said, patting his arm. Sharon wiped her tears, trying to laugh it off. He knew she was devasted. She was with Steve for over a year and a half. He met her family, her friends. They all thought they would get married, have two kids, and live in a nice house with a dog. They looked like an all-American couple, but Steve wanted something else. He didn’t see Sharon in his future. He didn’t want her the way she wanted him.

“Hey. I have work today but tomorrow... I’ll come by to pack my stuff, and we can talk about this more. I know you had more eating you up,” Sharon said in a playful tone, winking at Steve.

“Yeah... I would like that.”

Steve smiled at Sharon, pulling her into another hug. “I’m sorry Sharon, for- well, everything. I don’t deserve you,” he whispered, his voice cracking a little. Sharon just squeezed him before pulling away, backing up from Steve, trying to fight back the tears. He loved Sharon, that be it platonically, and the idea that she was now going to the left to move on from their relationship upset Steve. Sharon was going to have to deal with the emotional labor of getting over Steve. 

“You were scared. I can see that now. I’ll be fine, Steve. We’ll talk more tomorrow, ok?”

“Yeah.”

Sharon sighed, placing her hand on his cheek. “I’ll see you, Steve,” she said, giving him a soft smile. Steve grabbed her hand and kissed it. Steve watched as Sharon walked off. She would occasionally turn and wave or give him a pout before turning back. He stayed at the table they were sitting for a little bit, trying to process what happened. He just told his now ex-girlfriend he was interested in men.

Steve couldn’t believe he said it out loud. At first, he was content with just pretending this wasn’t who he was, that he liked women. His 20s were filled with being in 2 failing relationships. They were short-lived and didn’t ever feel right. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. He saw how his friends talked about their experiences with women. The way they would talk about the women, they were interested in them, and Steve just didn’t get it. 

He felt nothing towards them. So, when he met Sharon, he thought this was it, this is what attraction is. He enjoyed talking to her. They were able to hold a conversation for hours. He felt close to her and cared for her. But once it got to the intimacy part of their relationship, Steve couldn’t do it. Something as small as kissing and holding hands, Steve couldn’t do. He also cut off their make-out session short. Sex was lackluster at best. He always found himself closing his eyes, his face buried into Sharon’s neck while imaging... imagining someone else. 

It got worse when people were making jokes about their soon to be engagement, that Steve needs to pop the question soon. It made him feel sick. He felt so out of place in his own relationship. He was trying to ignore his attraction to men. They’ve been lingering around for years, and he always avoided that conversation with himself. But he was pushing 32. He couldn’t do that to himself. He wasn’t living. 

_ A month _ went by, and Steve seemed to feel more himself as the days went by. Even his friends at work noticed a shift in his mood, commenting on how he seemed more approachable. Steve didn’t wear a frown on his face as he walked around campus. He wasn’t constantly looking down at his feet and avoiding everyone around him. Steve was no longer dreading coming home. He didn’t mind that he was left alone with his thoughts. He would occasionally get texts from Sharon. She kept him updated on how she was doing, and he’d offer dinner to be nice. However, she still wasn’t ready to face him. He understood that she needed space. 

He understood that it was easier for him to move on. It wasn’t like the first few days weren’t tough on Steve, but he wasn’t going through what Sharon was going through. While Sharon was trying to learn to let go of their broken relationship and her feelings for Steve. Steve was coming to terms with the shift of no longer hiding his sexuality. He hasn’t told anyone else yet. Sam was still unaware of the real reason Sharon and him broke up. He told Sam he just fell out of love with her, but Sam didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t press on the matter.

Steve just wanted to be single for a little bit. His relationship with Sharon was exhausting for him. He was pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Steve felt as if he was losing himself in a relationship that only brought negative feelings to him. He needed time to recover. He needed time to himself.

It was Friday. Steve was still in his office, going through the papers that he promised his students he’d give back to the next class. He didn’t mean to stay there so late. He had three students come in for assistance on their final paper. Tony, who taught cinematography and production, took up an hour of his time. Friday was Steve’s productive day. The weekends were meant to be his time off, so he always sacrificed his Friday’s grading papers, prepared lessons, and helped his students. 

By the time he was done, it was 9:30, and the building he was in was getting ready to lock up for the night. He gathered his things, putting on his coat and scarf before locking his office and heading out. Steve kept thinking over what he would eat when he got home and what movie he would put on. These were the little things that got Steve excited. He felt at ease. It was December, finals week was coming ahead, and he was looking forward to his winter break. 

When Steve arrived at his train stop, he found himself gradually slowing down as he approached his usual bench. Someone was sitting there, his head hanging low, hand in his coat pocket. Steve took a few steps forward and tried to get a better look at the familiar man.

“Bucky?”

The man looked up from his shoe, he looks confused at first before his face broke out into a smile, and Steve felt his cheeks heat up.

“Steven,” Bucky said with a smirk.

“It’s Steve,” Steve said, a smile crept on his face. He walks up to Bucky, who stayed seated. Steve could hear Bucky’s music coming from his coat pocket. “That’s what I said,” Bucky responded, raising his eyebrow in amusement.

“Mhm, how have you been?” 

Bucky moves down the bench, indicating that Steve should sit next to him. Steve does and also notes how nice Bucky looked. “I haven’t yelled at anyone since I last saw you, so that’s a big deal,” Bucky sighed, he kept his gaze at Steve. Steve smiled, looking away from Bucky. He had completely forgotten about their first interaction on the train.

“I’m proud of you, man. You must be in a better mood?” Steve asked. He looked back at Bucky, who shook his side to side. “I’ve seen better days; winter break is coming, so I have to clean the dorms once all the students leave,” Bucky shrugged, his knee leaning into Steve’s. Steve doesn’t move and allows the touch to linger.

“Not a fan of winter term?” 

Bucky took off his beanie, setting it on his lap before running his fingers through his neck-length hair. He readjusts his beanie, which was more worn out than before.  _ He looks exhausted,  _ Steve thought to himself, causing himself to frown at the way Bucky’s dark circles were more prominent. Steve was watching Bucky closely again, but he couldn’t help it. Bucky was very telling with his facial expression and body posture. 

“There are perks, like students leave behind a lot of stuff, like mini-fridges, chairs, blankets and stuff like that. So, me and the guys come to take it, free stuff, ya know, but... I don’t know. Something about the cold weather for me,” Bucky said, ducking his head as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Yeah, I can’t imagine having to work during the cold winter... You never told me what school you worked at,” Steve stated. Bucky’s jaw tenses, and a moment of discomfort crossed his face. Before Bucky could respond, the train arrives, the breeze blowing at them. This grabs both men’s attention as they stood up, looking at one another awkwardly.

Bucky walked in front of him, side-eyeing Steve as Steve followed behind. The train was a lot less crowded than before. Bucky decided he’d lead Steve to the back of the train, where it was empty. Bucky took the window seat; his eyes went round when he saw Steve take the seat next to the middle one. 

Steve looked at him with an amused look, “Oh my bad, you wanted me to sit next to you?” Steve said, smirking at Bucky, who couldn’t help but blush. Steve’s mood definitely changed from a month ago, and it seemed like Bucky to notice that. 

“You won’t let me live that down, huh?” Bucky managed to say, Steve, moving to the middle seat to be next to Bucky. He sets his bag between his legs and turned his body to face Bucky. “I just wanted to see how’d react,” Steve teases; the smirk hadn’t left his face, and it was making Bucky shift in his seat. 

His cheeks still a little red, he tried his best to keep himself composed. It was something Steve noticed about Bucky. One minute, he was confident, poking fun at Steve, and the next, he was shy and unable to keep his voice from coming out shaky. 

“So how’re things with you? You take me out for dinner, and then I never see you again,” Bucky joked _.  _ Steve smiled, leaning back at his seat. “I’m here now, aren’t I?” Steve went along with the playful banter; the train began to move, but Bucky didn’t seem to notice. “Couldn’t even call me? Mhm.” Bucky crossed his arms, looking away from Steve. He eyes him from the side, trying to read his face. 

“Well, I don’t have your number,” Steve said, this time in a low and calming voice that surprises both of them. Bucky didn’t comment. He just continued with this little act. He turned to face the window again, ignoring Steve’s gaze.

“You never bothered asking me for it,” Bucky said, he sounded almost offended, but it still had a light tone to his voice. Steve didn’t say anything. When Bucky noticed the silence, he turned back to face Steve, who was fiddling with his phone, his eyes focused on the screen. “Here, you can type it in,” Steve finally said as he handed Bucky the phone. Bucky appeared a bit shocked but took Steve’s phone slowly. He typed out his number and added himself into Steve’s contact. 

Steve wasn’t sure where this sudden confidence came from, but he thought it was worth a shot to ask. Bucky seemed so approachable at that very moment and felt like it would be a missed opportunity to not ask him. So, when Bucky finally handed back Steve’s phone, he couldn’t help but smile at the contact name.  _ Bucky Barnes,  _ it read. Steve felt something tug at his chest, but he ignored it as he exited the contacts app.

“Barnes,” Steve hummed, grabbing Bucky’s attention.

“Just in case you knew another Bucky.”

Steve looked up from his phone. Bucky was grinning at him with self-assurance. Steve’s eyes softened. He really couldn’t hold back the smile that was slowly creeping upon his face. “So are you going to tell me, or are you going to just keep staring?” Bucky said as he leaned back in his seat.

“Tell you what?” Steve found himself asking, he hadn’t realized how long he was staring at Bucky, but the man didn’t seem to mind.

“How ya been? It’s been a month, you know?” Bucky raised his eyebrows. He looked at Steve with amusement, which made Steve even more anxious. He kept noting how the stubble on Bucky’s face really suited him. He also realized that he wasn’t wearing his uniform under his coat that wasn’t zipped all the way. Instead, he was wearing a red Henley with a black undershirt. 

“I’ve been doing pretty well,” Steve looks over at Bucky, who catches Steve’s eye lingering too long on his chest.

“So, I’m assuming the whole situation call- sorry that… that isn’t any of my business,” Bucky was now looking away, shifting incessantly in his seat. Steve couldn’t help but frown, sensing the way Bucky began to feel self-conscious. 

“You’re fine, man... yeah, that’s all sorted out now. I’m shocked you even remember that,” Steve chuckled nervously. He was finding himself trying to tell Bucky that the relationship had ended, not to vent to him or anything. Still, so Bucky knew he wasn’t in a relationship anymore. Steve wasn’t sure why he wanted Bucky to know that, for all he knows, Bucky could have easily thought that he was talking to a friend or family member on the phone. Steve wasn’t even sure why he was overthinking this situation.

“Well, it’s hard to forget such a loud person,” Bucky was now speaking with a lot more trust in himself.

“I wasn’t that loud,” Steve defended himself in a light tone. Bucky just hummed in tune, covering his mouth with his hand.

“It’s not a bad thing. You are a professor, aren’t you? You gotta be able to project your voice anyways,” Bucky stated a little louder this time.  _ His voice, _ Steve hadn’t noticed how Bucky talked, and now that’s all he can focus on. “I don’t know if that’s your way of trying to compliment me,” Steve said, raising a brow at Bucky.

“I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m trying to do,” Bucky was going back to playful. It was like the way he would talk was dependent on Steve’s reaction. Bucky’s eyes slightly widen as he glanced back at the window. “Shit just passed my stop,” Bucky said as he was getting up from his seat. Steve's face dropped a little when he saw how fast Bucky was moving away from him. Steve followed him through the train once they stopped. 

“Hey Bucky, it's fine. We aren’t too far. We will just walk back home,” Steve said in a low and comforting voice. Bucky paused by the closed doors. He looked up at Steve, his mouth going slack. There was a shift. Steve hadn’t noticed how close his body was to Bucky until the train door opened. Steve’s chest pressed against Bucky’s back. Bucky broke eye contact with Steve. He walked out but stood a few feet away from the train. He was waiting for Steve to follow him out, Steve realized as he rushed out of the train to avoid bumping into the other people trying to off their stop. He stood beside Bucky.  _ He’s nervous again.  _

“Let’s go. This gives us more time to talk,” Steve said, attempting to lighten up the mood. He wanted Bucky to calm down, bring back that cheerful side of Bucky. They began to walk, Steve looking around to see what route would take them back home.

“And here I thought I was going to take you out to eat,” Bucky said, trying to ease back into their conversation. 

“We could do that too,” Steve said without thinking. His eyes widen a little, and he looked over at Bucky, who narrowed his eyes at Steve. “I haven’t eaten anything all today,” Bucky then commented, still studying Steve’s facial expression. Steve was now hoping that was the case that they could go out together again. 

“Same here.”

There was a moment of silence. Both men were trying to figure out one another’s intentions. Steve decided he’d be the one to make the first move. “So… I guess we are eating together again,” Steve stated. Bucky slowly smiled, looking down at his shoes. 

“I know this food truck. It’s a little further past my place, though,” Bucky said in a shaky voice. Bucky then looked back at Steve, like he was worried that he made himself look bad. “Uh, sorry, you probably meant a diner or something,” Bucky attempted retracting his previous comment. Still, before he could say anything more, Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, and that quickly got Bucky’s attention.

“Do they have gyro?” Steve asked. He gave Bucky a reassuring smile.

“Yes-s,” Bucky stuttered, looking at Steve’s hand that was still on his shoulder. Steve takes notice and gives Bucky a gentle squeeze before dropping his hand down to his side. “Then I’m all for it,” Steve watched as Bucky let out a sigh of relief, his cheeks turning red. “They have a good gyro, the lamb gyro with the hot sauce,” Bucky mumbled, giving Steve a trembling smile.

“I’ll get that then.”

“Ok.”

They walked in silence, accompanied by Bucky’s music playing from his pocket. Once Bucky recognized where they were, he began leading Steve to the truck. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence; it was just a silence that Steve wanted to break because he wanted an excuse to talk to Bucky. He never imagined befriending a stranger from the train. Something Steve learned early on in his college years is that making friends as an adult is difficult. 

He was friends with Sam since high school, so that was a bit different. He met Wanda and Tony at work, but it took him a while to get close to him. For those first two years, Steve would just greet them. He didn’t know how to ask them if he could join them for lunch or see them outside of their workplace. It wasn’t like Steve was a shy person. He just enjoyed being on his own so much that he forgets that there are people around him. 

Tony made a few attempts to get Steve to join him for lunch at the student center. Wanda even gifted Steve some cupcakes with a clapperboard on top of it. Yet, Steve felt like he couldn’t approach them. 

So, he was a little shocked about how forward he was with Bucky. He felt like everything flowed, Bucky was able to hold a conversation with him, and he didn’t feel drained when he was with him. This is their second time meeting, however, so Steve couldn’t exactly judge the situation. Bucky could easily become someone Steve wouldn’t want to be in constant contact with. That’s how it was with Tony and Wanda. He enjoyed their company but of a small dosage. He couldn’t spend a whole day with them. A few hours was enough for him.

It was a big issue when he was with Sharon. When he first met her, he enjoyed her company but slowly but surely he was getting tired. It didn’t help that she basically lived with him. He was craving that alone time. It wasn’t like he didn’t love his friends. He did. He just also loved being alone. 

But right now, he didn’t want to be alone. 

“There! It’s right there,” Bucky pointed.

Steve looked at where Bucky was pointing to. He was right. There was the truck. It was lighting up the dark street, one person was waiting by the medium-sized Hala food truck. Bucky looked back at Steve like he needed to make sure Steve was ok with this. Steve rolled his eyes, chuckling as he placed one hand on Bucky’s back and guided him to the truck. 

“Do you eat here often?”

They were standing behind the man who was still waiting for his food. Bucky was digging his hand down his pocket. He then pulled his sling backpack, so it was resting on his chest. Bucky rummages through his bag and grabs his wallet, grinning at himself. Bucky glances back at Steve as he tugged his bag behind his back. 

“Yes, it’s usually what I have for dinner. It’s faster than taking out and cheaper too,” Bucky explained. He even went into a little tangent about how the delivery fees are enough for him to lose his appetite. All Steve could do is smile to himself at the way Bucky was fidgeting. There was an atmosphere between them that Steve couldn’t explain. He just liked it. It felt like all of Steve’s anxiety was absent once he was around Bucky. 

Once the man in front of them left with his food, the two men ordered. Bucky settled for the chicken, rice, and queso burrito. Steve looked at him funny before Bucky rolled his eyes. “I like it simple,” he explained, watching Steve order his gyro sandwich.

“Very simple.”

Bucky scoffed as he watched the man worked on their food. “I don’t need all those beans, veggies, and extra stuff to overwhelm my mouth,” Bucky tilting his head. This time Steve rolled his eyes. He just went “alright, man,” before bumping his shoulders with Bucky. When the man in the truck handed them their food, Bucky paid, not giving Steve a moment to grab his own wallet.\

“Now we are even,” Bucky shrugged, shoving his wallet in his pocket while Steve held the bag with their food. “So, you didn’t want to just spend time with me?” Steve gave Bucky an exaggerated frown, leaning his body to Bucky’s side. Bucky just let out a huff, “now why would I do that?” he said sarcastically. 

“Because you like talking to me,” Steve teased.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

There was a brief pause before Bucky opened his mouth again, “we can eat this up in my place.” Steve turned to Bucky, suddenly looking a little pale, stiffening up once Steve met his gaze. His eyes were wide like he was shocked by his own words. He was, though, and Steve could see that. He could also see Bucky thinking about how to retract his comment. Quickly, Steve gave him a soft smile, not giving Bucky any time to return on his invitation.

“Yeah. That sounds nice,” Steve tried to put Bucky at ease. He wasn’t laughing or attempting to joke about the offer. He wanted Bucky comfortable. 

“Really- I just. I didn’t want to come off creepy- oh, I am being-”

“Hey, hey. It didn’t come off that way, I was going to offer the same thing, but I figure we are closer to your place.”

That made Bucky’s shoulders relax. They hadn’t moved yet, still standing a few feet away from the food truck. Bucky seemed to still be on edge. He hadn’t said anything or made any attempting to move from his spot. “Drinks? You got drinks back at your place?” Steve asked. He just wanted Bucky to let the tension in his face go. Bucky seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in, giving Steve a weak smile. 

“Yeah, I have tea- you probably wanted something cold… I made lemonade last night,” Bucky said, but now they were walking, Steve still leaned a bit close to Bucky as he was digging for his keys in his coat pocket. 

“I like lemonade. I can’t promise I’ll finish it if it's homemade,” Steve jokingly said, getting a scoff out of Bucky. 

“You really think low of me, Steve?” 

“Of course not, I just don’t know about homemade lemonade,” Steve said, smiling, showing a little bit of teeth. Bucky looked at him with a smug look as they approached his building, “you know your top lip disappears into your beard when you smile.” Bucky biting his bottom lip, attempting to stop himself from laughing. He unlocked the glass door before opening it. Buck steps aside and allows Steve to enter the building first before leading him to the mailboxes that were by the staircase.

“There is no need to go after my lips now,” Steve commented. He pretended to be offended by the joke. Still, He was more focused on making Buck let go of the embarrassment he was clinging onto from earlier. “You started it, man,” Bucky opened his mailbox. He grabbed the three envelopes that were in there and locked the mailbox before turning back to Steve.

“I hope you are in shape because I live on the 6th floor,” Bucky gives Steve another smug look.

“I walked for an hour to get to the food truck. I’ll manage Buck.”

_ Buck _ .

Bucky didn’t comment on that. He just leads Steve up the stairs while complaining that their food was probably getting cold. Steve just hummed in response because, if he was honest, he enjoyed hearing Bucky talk. It wasn’t just because Steve was a reserved person who usually let others do the talking. Still, he just really liked how Bucky can bring up three different topics within the spam of a few minutes. So, when they finally reached Bucky’s door, Bucky had calmed down a bit. He unlocked his door and turned on the lights. “Come in before the food really starts to get cold,” Bucky said. There was a hint of excitement in his voice. Steve felt a little tug in his chest but ignored it as he entered Bucky’s place.

“Could- you can just take off your shoes by the door,” Bucky said. Steve complied. Steve’s eyes widen slightly at sight he was seeing. 

_ Holy shit,  _ Steve was not expecting Bucky’s place to look… warm looking. His home was small. The kitchen, living room, and bedroom were all in one area. The kitchen is crowded. There was a laundry line with Bucky clothes drying off. There were several magnets on his fridge, the ones you find in your grandparent’s house. The living room was cute to Steve, he didn’t have a couch, but he did have a little coffee table in front of the TV, which looked like it was made in 2003. 

Steve noted the number of blankets and pillows that were piled by the low coffee table. Plants surrounded his living room. His bed was a few feet away from the coffee table, it was covered with a big quilt, and above it, there were dried wildflowers hanging upside down on a laundry line. All his curtains were closed and a different shade of green. Steve even heard a faint sound of music. It sounded like it was music from the 40s. There was an old-looking radio by the bed. 

He never expected Bucky to be the cozy type.

While Steve was admiring Bucky’s place, Bucky was frantically taking down his clothes off the laundry line in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, this place is kind of a mess,” Bucky said, pilling his dry clothes on his bed. He set his bag on the floor and turned on the lamp on his nightstand. 

“Bucky… you have a nice place,” Steve said in disbelief. Bucky turned quickly to Steve. His cheeks lit up, a smile slowly appeared on his face. “Really?” Bucky said as he took off his coat, hanging it on the hook by his bed. “Yeah, it feels like you… like you put a lot of care to it,” Steve said, taking off his coat, ogling at the little clippings on the wall as he handed Bucky his jacket and bag. 

“You seem really into the early 1900s,” Steve couldn’t help point out, seeing that the majority of things in Bucky place were quite old. There were some books stacked by the TV of history books about the roaring twenties, covers of Life magazine from the ’40s tapped by Bucky bed, and old antiques scattered around Bucky’s low nightstand and dresser. 

“I really like history,” Bucky shyly said. His eyes tracking Steve’s movement as the older man walked by the kitchen to see that even his silverware was a lot older. It looked like it belonged in the 50s, but Steve couldn’t be sure.

“You-u can wash up while I set our food and drinks- is it ok that we are eating on the floor?” Bucky said, he was awkwardly standing by the TV. It’s as if he didn’t want to disturb Steve from looking around his place. “Of course, yeah. Bathroom is this way?” Steve asked. He pointed to the door, and Bucky nodded. Steve hands him the bag with their food in it and heads into the bathroom. Once he closed the door behind him, it hit Steve.

_ I am at Bucky’s place; I am having dinner with Bucky.  _

__

__

Steve washed his hands, staring at the mirror. Bucky’s bathroom was a mirror of the rest of Bucky’s place. There were plants by the toilet and a small tub. He had those adhesive film stain glass on his window. It had a white flower design with a blue/purple background. Steve saw that Bucky had put stickers of fishes on the tile by his tub and laced shower curtains.  _ God, he’s adorable. Steve _ could not stop smiling at the fact that this is the same man who yelled at him a month ago. Steve did not want to admit it, but he was happy with how the night was turning out. He felt dizzy from excitement. It was a new feeling that Steve had no issue welcoming. 

Once he finished up in the bathroom, he took a minute to collect himself. He ran his fingers through his hair and straightened down his shirt. He smiles at his reflection, but it drops, shaking his head. Yeah, his top lip does disappear when he smiled. When he exits the bathroom, he finds Bucky pouring lemonade in two cups. There were candles lit by the kitchen counter and nightstand. It did not come off romantic but more of something Bucky just did. Although Steve would like it to believe it was a little-

“Wow, you even set up the table. Plates and everything,” Steve said, rolling up his sleeves. Bucky turns his head, his eyes landing at Steve’s arms. His eyes linger for a brief moment before turning back around. “Yeah, uh, I hope the candles are ok- I’m not a fan of harsh lights,” Bucky said in a shaky voice. Steve hadn’t even noticed that Bucky had turned off the lights until Bucky pointed it out. However, he noticed that Bucky took off his hat, and his hair was neatly combed. If Steve didn’t know any better, he would have assumed that Bucky was trying to look more presentable. 

“You can sit there- I’m just going to wash up,” Bucky said before disappearing into the bathroom. Steve did as he was told and sat on the pillow on the floor; he tucked his legs under the table and stretched out his arms, feeling himself relaxing in Bucky’s home. Steve was starving, but he waited for Bucky, opting to just take a sip of the lemonade that Bucky had made. 

When Bucky returned from the bathroom, he paused before heading to the table. He took a seat next to Steve, keeping a little bit of space between them. “I have to apologize to you, Bucky, the lemonade is very good,” Steve tone was light, receiving a smile from Bucky. “I- I told you, man,” he scoffed, opening his wrapped-up burrito. Steve followed suit, unfolding the tinfoil and taking a bit of his gyro. 

“You like plants?” Steve asked awkwardly, looking around Bucky’s room.

Bucky looked up from his plate, he was trying to respond, but the food in his mouth was in the way. “I see it everywhere- it’s nice. I never would imagine you as a plant guy,” Steve looked at Bucky with an amused look, leaning closer to the table. “I like green,” was all Bucky managed to say, taking another bite- _ a big bite _ \- of his burrito. 

Steve just nodded and didn’t say anything else. They were hungry. Steve hadn’t even noticed that it was now 11:30, and he didn’t need to worry about Sharon waiting for him. He could just spend this time with Bucky, guilt-free. 

“Do you always agree to whatever a stranger tells you?” Bucky asked, finally finishing his food, taking a sip of his drink. He looked content with himself, staring at Steve with such a relaxed look on his face. It was as if Bucky were finally winding down. It might be the candles. It could also be the music playing in the background too. It seemed to only play the music that was released before the 60s. 

“I could ask you the same thing. Didn’t you agree to have dinner with me last month?”

“That was a public setting. You are at my place.”

“You were the one who offered.”

“You could have declined.”

Steve smirked at Bucky; it didn’t seem like this conversation was going to end, so he decided to shift the focus on Bucky. “I notice you always have music playing,” Steve pointed out, making sure he didn’t come across as judgmental or pushy. Bucky turned to his nightstand before turning back to Steve. “I don’t like it when it’s too quiet,” Bucky explained, he tried to keep up with the lighthearted tone, but there was a hint of fear in his voice. Steve took note of that. 

It seemed like Bucky never fully explained himself, and Steve understood it could be that Steve wasn’t really a close friend. Bucky had every right to keep his answers short. Steve just wanted to get to know him, but he was willing to go at Bucky’s pace.

“What kind of music do you usually listen to?” Steve didn’t want to ask Bucky why exactly he disliked silence and the harsh lights. He didn’t want Bucky to get all nervous again. He’d rather have Bucky make fun of his upper lip than him completely masking his personality. 

“I love Kay Kyser- oh and Bing Crosby. They always feel like they are with you- no like uh… they address their audiences in the songs towards the beginning or end. It’s usually because it’s live. I usually prefer live stuff.” Bucky’s voice was soft and low. It was soothing even when Bucky jumbled over his words. Steve could sense the distrust in Bucky’s voice, but he made sure never to say anything to put Bucky off from talking to Steve.

“I also just prefer... softer music. I can’t be bothered with anything louder. I can’t listen to even some of the stuff that came out in the 60s. They are pretty underwhelming compared to what they play nowadays- well, actually last time I tried to listen to what was being released was 2007 and…. It’s too much for me to handle,” Bucky looked over at Steve as if to make sure he didn’t offend Steve, but Steve was more intrigued than anything. 

“You like Claude Debussy?”

Bucky nodded, “I also like ambient music. My neighbor is really good at finding music for me that helps with sleeping,” Bucky shyly looked away from Steve, rubbing his shoulder awkwardly. “I’m not really into ambient music. I’m kind of stuck with listening to the stuff I used to listen to in college,” Steve chuckled to himself, scratching his beard as Bucky raised a brow at him.

“And what would that be, Steve?” a small smile appearing on Bucky's lips.

“God uh- listen, maybe that’s not a good idea,” Steve felt his cheeks heat up as he loosened the tie around his neck.

“Oh, come on, Steve. How embarrassing can it be?” Bucky was now leaning against the edge of the table with a massive smirk on his face.

“Bucky, it was 2006. My taste isn’t exactly- listenable.”

“More reason to tell me.”

“Bucky!” Steve groans, covering his face with his hands. He could hear Bucky laugher grow louder. Steve felt Bucky’s hand on his shoulder, tugging at him. “It can’t be that bad,” Bucky said, attempting to hold back his laughter. Steve moves his fingers to get a peek at Bucky, who covered his mouth over his hand. “Fine, fine,” Steve huffed, moving his hands away from his face. 

“The Fray, Coldplay, One Republic, The Goo Goo Dolls and- hey, I told you it was bad,” Steve whined when Bucky threw his head back, clenching at his chest. Bucky wiped his eyes, trying to catch his breath. Steve let out a huff but didn’t take offense to how Bucky was practically laughing at him. He made Bucky laugh, so it was worth being embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, Steve- it’s just. Did you wear those bagging jeans with an oversized track sweater and had awful facial hair? You sometimes would match the color of your tie with your dress shirt?” Bucky said once he was able to calm himself down, pushing his hair away from his face. Steve’s eyes widen slightly at the question. Bucky was dead right on how Steve used to dress back in college, and it was kind of embarrassing.

“No one looked good in 2006,” Steve weakly tried defending himself, shrugging his shoulders.

“Mhm.”

“Hey! Listen, I think I’m doing a lot better now,” Steve said, pointing towards his outfit. It wasn’t like Steve would ever be voted best dressed, but he knew he was wearing clothes that were tolerable. Maybe boring, but nothing too embarrassing. 

Bucky’s scans Steve’s outfit, resting his elbow on the table, propping his chin up. “Yeah, a lot nicer,” Bucky said in a low voice. Steve felt the heat radiating up his neck, blooming in his cheeks. Bucky is startled by his own voice, leaning away from the table. Steve quickly attempts to break the silence that bubbling up, sitting up from his seat. 

“Bucky… you really do have a nice place. Thank you- for you know? Inviting me,” Steve said as he tugged at the bottom of his tie. Bucky smiled a little, unable to look at Steve.

“Thanks for coming,” Bucky said, smiling a lot wider.

_ I need to say something. _

__

__

_ I should say something. _

__

__

_ I have to say something. _

__

__

“I think you inviting me over has made the plain field uneven.”

_ Wow, good one, Steve. _

__

__

“Uneven,” Bucky said, humored by the comment. Steve attempts to think of something quick to say, he was never good with that. “Well, you technically only owed me diner, but now that you have invited me to your home- I have to return the favor,” Steve wasn’t even sure what he was saying. He was just hoping Bucky could take his hint. That he would play along with what Steve was doing.

“Steve, just say you wanna hang out with me again,” Bucky teased. Steve found himself letting out a sigh. He was worried about how he would come across; he could see why Bucky was so unsure of himself when he offered Steve to come over.

Steve just wanted to be able to see Buck again. He wasn’t sure how well this dude could keep in contact with him. People are usually a bit different over text. From what Steve could see, Bucky wasn’t the most updated person. It’s not even an issue for Steve. He just wanted to know there was going to be the next time.

This was out of character for Steve. Steve was someone who craved alone time, someone who got drained from social events. Now Steve wanted to see Bucky again, he couldn’t do that with his work friends or even Sam sometimes. 

“Ok, hey Bucky, I want to see you again,” Steve said. His voice was playful, but there was a hint of seriousness behind his words. He wanted Bucky to know that he did want to see him. Bucky made a face; it was probably the way Steve worded his statement.  _ I want to see you.  _ Bucky pressed his lips together, trying his best not to smile, but Steve couldn’t see his attempts and couldn’t help but light up a little.

“Yeah. Yeah- well… me too- I want to see you too,” Bucky said, struggling with his words. Steve decided to take control of the conversation. “Is there a specific day you are free? It doesn’t have to soon or anything,” Steve adjusted himself on the pillow he was sitting on. He watched as Bucky gave his words some thought. 

Then he suddenly grabbed their plates, stacking them together and then placing the empty cups on top. He mumbles, “give me a minute,” before he hurried to the kitchen. They were still in the same room, so Steve could see Bucky heavily concentrated on the sink, he wasn’t moving or anything just hovered over at the sink. 

It didn’t bother Steve. He sensed that Bucky was someone who probably struggled a little with human interaction. The first time he met Bucky, he got mad at him for sitting in the middle seat, so Steve wasn’t put off by his behavior. 

He was someone who was on edge, nervous until he was able to calm himself down and allow his personality to come out. Steve didn’t want to analyze Bucky like this. It was rude and based on assumptions. He still knew nothing about the man. He wanted to know more, already liking Bucky based on the little information Bucky allowed him to know.

“Is it ok… is Sunday ok? That’s my only day off- besides Mondays, and I’m assuming you have classes. I’m free this Sunday… if that’s not too soon for you,” Bucky said after he finally turned his body to face Steve, his eyes slightly wide.

“Sunday is just fine, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled. He stood still at the kitchen and then looked down. 

“So, your place?” Bucky looked up, meeting Steve’s gaze.

“Yes, I can text you my address?” Bucky nods.

“You just have to text me; first, I still don’t have your number,” Bucky pointed out, causing Steve to remember their interaction earlier on the train. It made him realize how long he has been with Bucky; it was already 12:36 am, according to Bucky’s clock. He really couldn’t believe that he was still filled with energy. He wanted to stay a little longer but sensed that things were winding down. Bucky was probably tired, and Steve should start heading home. 

“I’ll do that now,” Steve said as he grabbed his phone, shooting a quick text that just read “Steve” before sliding his phone back in his pocket. Bucky takes out his phone, and  _ oh my god, it’s an iPhone 4. Why is that so precious.  _ Bucky grinned and turned his phone, so Steve could see the text he got from him. “Ok, I think we’re set,” Bucky said, nodding at his own response. Steve began to slowly stand up, his legs feeling a little numb from having his legs be tucked under such a small table. 

“It’s getting late… I think I should head home,” Steve’s voice sounding unconvincing. He stretched his arms, and all Bucky did was stare before he said, “let- let me get your stuff,” and he does, handing Steve his things. 

Steve didn’t want to admit that he was being slow, chatting with Bucky as he put on his coat, trying to  _ adjust the collar _ . “What time do you want to come over?” Steve said as he wrapped the scarf around his neck. “Anytime really. It’s at your place so whatever works for you works for me,” Bucky shrugged.

Steve was now set. He was now standing in front of Bucky, just a few feet away from the door. He was really going to see Bucky again and very soon in the week. Something about that makes Steve feel a little excited like he had something to look forward to. He was already thinking of what things they could do.  _ God, I feel like a kid again.  _

“How about 3? Lunch and Dinner?”

“That works for me.”

“Ok.”

“Ok.”

They just awkwardly stare at one another until Bucky turned to his front door, turning back to Steve and gesturing him to follow. Bucky opens the door and watches as Steve stepped out of his apartment, shoving his hands in his coat pocket. “Sunday at 6?” Steve said, he gives Bucky a smile, pointing at him through his coat. Bucky chuckles, dropping his head before slowly nodded, looking back up at Steve.

“Yeah… Goodnight Steve,” he sounded warm, content, which made Steve feel warm and content.

“Goodnight, Bucky,” Steve said. He backed up a little before turning and heading down the staircase. A few seconds, he’d hear a door shut close. Another minute or two, Steve gets a text. It’s from Bucky. 

** Bucky: Text me when you get home safe, man **

****

Steve wasn’t even entirely out of Bucky’s building when he read it. He smiled, texting back an ok before exiting the building. Steve learned about fifteen minutes away from Bucky, so when he finally arrived at his own apartment, the first thing he did was text Bucky.

** Steve: I’m home now, no need to worry **

****

** Bucky: Who said I was worried? **

****

** Steve: You did **

****

** Bucky: Doesn’t sound like me **

****

** Steve: You be asleep **

****

** Bucky: So should you  **

****

Steve was now chuckling. He set his things down as he made his way to the bathroom. He was expecting to hear from Bucky this soon, but he wasn’t complaining. Bucky liked talking to him, and he enjoyed talking to Bucky. It was weird though, Steve had to acknowledge that. How comfortable they were talking to another, that Bucky invited Steve over. Still, of course, Steve also did pay for his dinner the first night they met. He knew he couldn’t precisely tell Sam about this. Sam would be not only be shocked by Steve’s out of character actions but get all protective.

He could hear Sam now going: What if he’s a creep, Steve? Why would you take out the angry man from the train? Steve, this isn’t like you, what are were you thinking!

Steve knew that, yes, realistically, he shouldn’t have followed Bucky back to his place, and it is a little weird that he offered Bucky dinner the first night they met. But also, it just felt natural. The way they talked and interacted flowed. In a way, they were both taking small steps to have an excuse to see each other. Steve wasn’t anticipating to Bucky again. He also wasn’t expecting to be texting him in the middle of the night in his bathroom. 

** Steve: I’m planning on it  **

****

Steve sent once he finished washing up. He heads to his room, where he changed, finding himself thinking about Bucky. Steve knew what he was feeling, attraction. He was attracted to Bucky. He told himself he’d stop denying this part of himself. There was nothing wrong with how he felt. There was nothing wrong with finding Bucky attractive, to want to get to know him more. He isn’t jumping into anything. He just wanted to get to know the guy is all.

After getting dressed for bed, Steve sits on the edge of his bed, placing his phone on the nightstand before he turns off his lamp. He lays back on his bed. He could still feel the rush of excitement run through his body. He felt light, hazy but in a good way. He heard a buzz coming from his phone. He extended out his arm and grabbed it. 

** Bucky: Then goodnight Steve **

****

Steve could hear Bucky say that he needed to stop smiling in a playful tone, but he couldn’t help it.

** Steve: Goodnight Bucky **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will keep updating when I can! Thank you for the comments and kudos!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky talks to Natasha about Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's point of view! Sorry I haven't updated since August. Online classes are brutal. I hope this makes up for it! Chapter is a bit shorter but it gives a more incite on Bucky's life.

“So, his name is Steve?” Natasha asked. She raised her brow at Bucky, who had his legs to his chest and his arm wrapped around them, hiding his smile from Natasha. She stares intently at Bucky, her face lacking any form of emotion, which was beginning to bother Bucky. 

He had just told her about Steve. He told her about how they met on the train, how Steve paid for dinner and how he bumped into him again yesterday. Bucky even told her how he invited Steve to eat and made plans to see him again tomorrow. The entire time Bucky was telling her all this, her face stayed the same and not revealing how she thought of the situation. 

That wasn’t a good sign.

“Yeah…” Bucky trailed off. His phone goes off, and Bucky weakly attempts to take out his phone from his pocket while staying in the position he was sitting in. He looks at his lock screen and feels his face heat up at the sight of Steve’s name flashing on his screen. Bucky feels his chest tightening as he slides his finger across the screen, his hand getting shaky as he read the text. 

**Steve: You allergic to anything??**

“James,” Natasha said, causing Bucky to break his attention away from his phone. He quickly locks his phone, looking at Natasha with wide eyes. “That was him?” Natasha asked, giving Bucky an amused smile. Bucky just nods, not trusting his voice. He felt something flutter in his stomach when he sees the next text from Steve.

**Steve: Wanna make sure I can make you something you can eat**

Bucky's mouth twitches into a small smile. Natasha mumbles something about their tea being ready and walks to the kitchen, leaving Bucky alone in her living room. He rests his face on his knees and types up a response, the smile never leaving his face.

**Bucky: I just really hate brown rice.**

**Steve: So… I should serve you brown rice?**

**Bucky: Oh, definitely**

**Steve: I think you’d be better off eating brown rice over my cooking. Most of my meals consist of microwavable food**.

**Bucky: You did a great job convincing me to come over for dinner, Steve**

**Steve: Does that mean you aren’t coming over? :(**

**Bucky: You are so dramatic**

**Bucky: I’ll see you Sunday**

Bucky bites his bottom lip; he locks his phone and shoves his phone in his pocket as Natasha returns with their drink. Bucky takes the mug from her and watches as she slowly makes her way next to him, a small smirk plastered on her face. 

“It’s cute,” she mumbles before bringing her mug to her lips. 

“What is?” Bucky said he couldn’t help but get nervous because he knew they were still talking about Steve. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy telling Natasha about Steve. He enjoyed describing Steve to Natasha, telling her what they did together and how kind he was to Bucky. He couldn’t help but subtly mention how nice he looked, especially his beard. Bucky really liked his beard.

“Your crush.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, ignoring the way his chest clenched at the statement. “What are you talking about?” Bucky looks away from Natasha’s stare, his face heating up and his palms becoming sweaty. He looks back at Natasha and drops his shoulders in defeat. 

“It’s dumb.” 

“You liking him?” 

“He has someone.”

Natasha went silent. Bucky doesn’t even try to look her way. He finishes off his tea and sets it on the table, curling himself further into the corner of the couch. He could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket but chooses to ignore it.

“He told you this?” Natasha then says, tilting her head slightly to find Bucky’s frown deepening. “I heard him- uh. The first night I met him. He got into an argument on the phone. It definitely sounded like a girlfriend. I don’t think he even swings that way- god, what am I saying,” Bucky let out a frustrated sigh, running his hand through his tangled hair as Natasha got closer to him. 

“Hey. Hey. Breathe for me,” Natasha’s voice softens as she rubs Bucky’s arm gently. Bucky could feel his heart beginning to race. It was becoming harder for him to think clearly for a moment. Bucky couldn’t lie to himself; he developed a small crush on Steve the first night he met Steve. He hadn’t realized it until he came home from having dinner with Steve that he seemed familiar to Bucky.

Bucky cursed under his breath for not asking for Steve’s number that night, but he knew he lacked the right words to ask. Bucky knew apart of him hadn’t experienced anything romantic in a while. The last person he was with was his first and only boyfriend. They didn't exactly have the healthiest relationship. 

So, it came as a shock to Bucky that he would bump into him again at the train station. When he heard his name being called by Steve, he swore his heart started racing, and he felt his entire face heat up as he finally looked up to Steve. At first, Bucky wanted to run away. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Steve. If anything, it made Bucky feel warm knowing that Steve even remembered his name. The problem was, however, that Steve…

“He works at the same college as me,” Bucky blurts out. Natasha stops rubbing Bucky’s arm. He could see her face shift slightly before she gives him a small frown. 

“How do you know?” 

“When I first saw him- after the whole train thing. I thought he looked a bit familiar, but I just thought maybe it was my mind messing with me. Then he told me he was a professor at a college, and I couldn’t help but think maybe…” Bucky trailed off, wincing at his own words. “That maybe you’ve seen him around campus?” Natasha offered. Bucky nods and gives her a wary smile. “Yeah. I kind of… saw him at the student center, in the food court,” Bucky frowns to himself, ducking his head. 

After two weeks since he last bumped into Steve, Bucky saw him again but this time, standing in line to get food. Bucky was in the corner, moping a spill by the seating area, and he swore his whole body went still. It took him a minute to register that it was Steve, the same man he yelled at, the one who bought him dinner. Bucky made no attempt to approach Steve. He remembered how quickly he went and hid in one of the supply closets, trying to calm himself down. 

_It was around 11 am. This was around the time students, and faculties roamed around the student center to look into new clubs, get food or buy something at the school store. Usually, Bucky would opt to take one of the departmental buildings during this time. Still, he got stuck cleaning the cafeteria area. Clint was close by, working on the downstairs floors, so he tried to use that as his safety net as he watched the place get more packed by the minute. It wasn't until he reached the building's Starbucks area where Bucky's entire body went cold._

_There stood Steve, waiting in line along with three people ahead of him. Bucky blinked a few times, making sure he wasn't just seeing things. But lo and behold, it was Steve. He looked more casual, wearing a nice white sweater with a collared shirt. Bucky felt his cheeks heat up when he saw Steve look up from his phone, getting a better look at the man's face. He looked even better than the last time Bucky saw him._

_When Steve titled his head to look in Bucky's direction, Bucky was quick to rush behind a wall receiving weird looks from the students around him. Bucky's stomach clenched, his breathing becoming erratic. He ditched his Janitorial cart and ran into the supply closet. Bucky increased his phone volume, letting the music be the only thing he could hear as he crouched down on the floor. It would only take a few minutes for Clint to find him._

_"Bucky!" Bucky could hear Clint call out in a singing tone. Bucky stayed on the floor, hunched over in the corner of the closet. He watched as Clint opened the door and frown at him, rushing to Bucky's side._

_"Hey. Hey. You okay?" Clint asked, this time with more a concerned tone. Bucky just nodded slowly, eyeing the door. "Could you just... close the door, please?" Clint just nodded, doing as Bucky asked before rushing back to Bucky's side._

_"What happened?"_

_Bucky takes a deep breath, attempting to calm himself down. He didn't want to tell Clint about Steve. The guy wasn't that significant. He barely knew the guy. Bucky didn't want to hear Clint get overly concerned with Bucky potentially meeting new people._

_"I just got overwhelmed. You know how rush hour gets," Bucky mumbled. It wasn't a complete lie. Bucky wasn't a fan of crowds, and on some days, he was able to handle a large number of students and faculties in one area. But there have been other times were Bucky felt like everything was closing in on him, and the voices would get louder. So, this wasn't really a lie. Clint knew how things worked with Bucky._

_"We can switch locations? I'm cleaning up at the lounges. Those are usually pretty empty," Clint said in a soothing voice. Bucky couldn't help the small smile forming on his lips. The lounges were in the same building as the student center, but there were rarely more than ten people. Most of them were students. Bucky had found they were a lot nicer than his own coworkers, who always gave Bucky shit for absolutely no reason._

_"If that's okay?"_

_Clint broke out into a smile, nodding as he helped Bucky get up from the floor. He led him out of the supply closet. "Now, if you need anything. Just shoot me a text. I'll make sure I got it on vibrate. I might turn off my hearing aid. So, I don't gotta suffer through another conversation with Vinny about his divorce," Clint pats Bucky's shoulder, giving it a small squeeze before the two-part ways._

He felt shame. Steve was a professor. He wore a suit and looked well put together. He was the kind of man that trimmed his beard when it got too long, ironed his clothes, and polished his shoes. Bucky remembered how nice he smelled when they walked together to the dinner. Bucky could barely function on his good days. He hadn't gotten a haircut in months, his clothes smelled secondhand and just overwhelming to be around. Steve was out of his league, and it tugged at Bucky’s chest when he realized they worked at the same college but for different reasons. 

Bucky cleaned toilets. He took whatever students left behind during moving week to furnish his place. He sometimes relied on the leftovers from student events and lets his coworkers talk down to him. Bucky tried to hold on to Steve's comment about his job and how he shouldn’t feel ashamed for being a custodian. Steve looked like he meant it, but the truth of the matter was that Bucky didn’t want Steve to know they worked at the same college.

“You know he’s eventually going to find out,” Natasha points out, causing Bucky to let out a distilled huff.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“James. Listen, you know there is nothing wrong with your job.”

“I… know but still. I clean after people for a living-”

“James. I understand. I do. But based on what you’ve told me about Steve. I don’t think he would care.”

Bucky chews on his bottom lip, thinking about the argument Steve got over the phone. He knew that Steve had someone, so he wasn’t sure he was stressing over this. Steve just wanted to be friends. Bucky could do that. He was proud of himself for even opening up to talk to Steve and inviting him over for dinner. Bucky rarely invited people over to his place. The only people he is ever around are Clint and Natasha. So, it was a big step for Bucky, really. Especially after all he had been through with Brock a few years ago. 

“Listen, it’s not a big deal. I’ll… I’ll tell him. I just- I’m kind of nervous, Nat,” Bucky confesses, finally sitting up straight, letting his legs stretch. Natasha nods sympathetically, smiling softly at Bucky. “I think you’ll be fine,” she grabs both their empty cups, heading to the kitchen. “But you won’t be if you don’t tell Clint,” she says out loud from the kitchen, causing Bucky to groan, throwing his head back. Natasha comes back with a smirk on her face, sitting back down beside Bucky. “You know how he gets. Once he finds out that you told me before him. He’ll-”

“He’ll be a pain in the ass about it, I know,” Bucky says, finishing Natasha’s sentence. She rolls her eyes at him, patting Bucky’s arm. “I was going to say he’ll be upset, but that works too. He's just protective, James,” Natasha’s smirk never leaving her face. He would tell Clint; he wasn’t even really planning on telling Natasha only because he really wasn’t expecting to ever talk to Steve again. But when Steve asked to see Bucky again and exchanged numbers with him, he realized he had to tell someone. If he kept this information to himself, he knew his anxiety would build up inside, which always backfired in the end. 

“Let me see if tomorrow goes over well. Who knows, maybe Steve’s actually an asshole, or we have nothing to talk about. I don’t want Clint feeling sorry for me if things don’t work out,” Bucky grumbles. Natasha just rolls her eyes at him. 

“Well, if you aren’t feeling the date-”

“It’s not a date-”

“You can text me. We can make some kind of excuse that Clint got into an accident or something.”

“I think I'll be fine, Nat. Just a little anxious," Bucky's voice cracks a little causing Natasha's face to soften, giving him a sympathetic smile. "This is good for you, James. You met Steve on your own. I know this kind of stuff is a challenge for you, but it's okay to allow good things to happen to you," Natasha said with more emotions in her tone. It was rare, but it always made Bucky feel oddly special that Natasha let her guard down once in a while. 

Bucky would go back to his place, which was conventionally next door to Natasha's place, and begin laying out his clothes. He had nothing better to do besides occasionally getting text messages from Steve, but that would slow down around the evening. Bucky wasn't really good with keeping contact via texting. He always got frustrated with typing and would lose the energy to respond, but Steve was easy to talk to. It didn't help with his nerves. 

What if Steve found him boring? What if they ran out of things to say, and the whole thing just becomes awkward? Bucky tried to stay positive. He's been fine the two times he was around Steve. But this felt different. Bucky couldn't help but feel like this wasn't like maybe Steve was asking him on a date. But the more rational side of Bucky knew that wasn't the case. He acknowledged that he did have a little crush on Steve. That was very clear to him the night he had dinner with the guy. A part of him was hoping he wouldn't see Steve again for his own sake, but once he saw the guy at his workplace, he knew he was screwed. 

He just needed to let go a little. 

Bucky wouldn't get much sleep that night. Even when he put on his favorite radio station and had on his humidifier, he only managed five hours of sleep before waking up early in the morning. He tried to go back to sleep, but he ended up wasting two hours staring at his ceiling before he decided he could use this time to clean. It's what he does best. His place didn't need any cleaning, but he needed to keep himself calm before he ends up just canceling on Steve. 

Around eleven is when Steve started texting Bucky, and for some reason, it only added to Bucky's anxiety. 

**Steve: I think you'll be impressed with what I have planned**

**Bucky: You sound way too confident**

**Steve: And what if I am?**

**Bucky: Just find it amusing**

**Steve: Well, I just can't wait to see you today**

Bucky had to set his phone to the side for a moment. A wave of emotions came over Bucky, taking shallow breaths as he thought of what to say next.

**Bucky: Really?**

Bucky didn't mean it to sound sarcastic or playful. He just wanted some kind of reassurance. 

**Steve: Of course. I'll see you in a bit**.

Bucky didn't respond back. He felt guilty for even thinking of canceling. Bucky was even tempted to ignore Steve's text altogether and not even tell him that he wasn't coming. He had a few hours to prepare himself, to calm himself down, and build the confidence to go out and see Steve. 

Bucky just needed to stop overthinking it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter wasn't confusing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky spend the day at Steve's place and isn't clear on whether it's a date or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt like the last chapter was too short so I tried to make this long! I apologize if there is any errors. I will go back and fix it but I just wanted to update this story!

Bucky was panicking. No, worse, he felt sick, like he could actually throw up. He was inside Steve's building. He didn't even get the chance to buzz in before someone walked out, opening the door for Bucky and not allowing him to inform Steve that he was here. Bucky was quick to see that Steve lived in a much nicer apartment complex. This building was only a few years old. It had a much newer look, like someone actively took care of it. The inside was bright and clean compared to Bucky's brick walls and dark hallways. They were lucky if they got someone to fix the elevator at his place. He sends Natasha a text, hoping to get some last-minute advice. 

** Bucky:  ** Please tell me something to calm me down.

** Nat:  ** James. You'll be fine. Let him start the conversation and piggyback off that. 

** Bucky:  ** And if it goes wrong, I can count on you to save me, right?

** Nat:  ** Suddenly, Clint is at the hospital, and we need you at his side. You got this, Barnes. Don't overthink it. 

** Bucky: ** Thanks, Nat. I'll text you any updates. 

So, when Bucky made his way to the staircase, he couldn't help but look down as he climbed up the stairs. He did the breathing exercises that Clint taught him to do when he got too overwhelmed. He tried focusing on the music playing from his pocket. When Bucky arrived at Steve's floor, he took out his phone and shot him a quick text. 

** Bucky: I'm here! **

Bucky looked up and felt the air leave his chest when he realizes how narrow the hallway was. He felt his phone vibrate and quickly looked back down to take his mind off how tight everything felt. 

** Steve: I'll be right out :) **

Bucky kept his eyes glued to the screen. He clung to Steve's message like it was the only thing that would ground him. Steve's door was just a few feet away. He just had to keep walking, no need to lookup. Only did Bucky finally raise his head when he heard the door open, and Steve calling out his name.

"Bucky!"

Steve sounded happy, like really happy. It made Bucky's cheeks go red as he's greeted by Steve wearing a cute 50s style apron. "Steve... hi," Bucky managed to say, hiding his smile under his coat. Bucky shoved his hand into his pocket, trying to hide the fact that he was visibly shaking. He's hung out with Steve twice now. Bucky wasn't sure why he was reacting so badly. It didn't help that he sounded like he was trying to catch his breath even though he walked his way to Steve's. Yet he sounded like he had been running. 

"Come in," Steve stepped to the side to let Bucky in and closed the door behind him. Bucky kicks off his shoes before looking back at Steve with a hesitant look. "Is that okay?" Bucky didn't understand why he couldn't find the same confidence he had the first night he met Steve. It would make things a lot easier for Bucky, but his anxiety was getting in the way.

"Yeah. Yeah- you alright? You seem tense," Steve said in a concerning tone. He offers a hand, gesturing to Bucky's coat. Bucky struggles to shrug his jacket off, and Steve is quick to come from behind, helping him take it off before draping it over his forearm. He turns to the hooks by the door, giving Bucky some time to adjust his hair from under his beanie. 

"Yeah... sorry. I never, um, I never usually make plans with someone so new to me," Bucky attempts to explain. It was sad, but it was the truth. Bucky was grateful for the little friends he had. Clint and Natasha were the only people he hung out with, and he always felt like that was enough. They were, but how Bucky saw Steve was different from how he saw Clint and Nat. 

"Yeah. Trust me, I'm a bit nervous myself I..." Steve trailed off once he turned back around to get a better look at Bucky. His face was unreadable, which made Bucky even more anxious than before. Steve steps a little closer, eyeing him only to look back up at Bucky.

"You look... really nice, Bucky."

Bucky wasn't sure how to respond for a second. He just looked at Steve with a blank expression, looking down at his own clothes. Bucky wasn't wearing anything that he believed warranted such a reaction. Did he put a lot of effort into his outfit? Sure. But compared to the lovely dark blue dress shirt and black slacks that Steve was wearing, Bucky felt his efforts weren't enough. He was wearing a black turtle neck under his oversized brown cardigan and blue jeans. Nat told him that he should keep it casual.

"Thanks... uh nice apron," Bucky said, trying to steer the conversation into a more playful route. It seemed to work because Steve snorts at the comment, looking down at his red polka-dot apron. "I have three others if you wanna see them," Steve said in a lighthearted tone, leading Bucky to his kitchen. "Do you even cook, Steve?" Bucky smiled to himself, proud that he was able to ease into his nerves. Steve didn't seem to notice how his eyes looked around frantically at the kitchen. It was too bright. It didn't help that Steve owned a silver-gray kitchen that just overwhelmed Bucky's eyes.

"I thought for lunch, we could start something light..." Steve continued to go on about the food he had set up for the two of them, but Bucky just wished he could turn off the harsh lighting in the room. He tries to ignore the way his body is reacting and focuses on Steve. "Do you wanna eat in the living room?" Steve suddenly asks, bringing his attention back to Bucky. He didn't seem to notice the way Bucky's eyes were bulging out. 

"Yeah, that works." 

Bucky couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief when Steve tells him to wait for him in the living room. He awkwardly left the kitchen and paused at the sight of the living room. Bucky made his way to Steve's couch, which was just a red seatcraft that looked like a fancy version of a bean bag. He took a seat, feeling himself sink into the chair. He took in the way the place was decorated. It wasn't what Bucky expected, but it made sense based on Steve's career choice. The living room was meant to reassemble an at-home movie theater. There was a widescreen TV on the wall. Under it was a long wide bookcase that looked to be hand-painted with several DVDs at full display. There were a few movie posters that Bucky couldn't recognize. He knew some by name, but it seemed to have a different art cover. The lights were dim and made the room feel warm, which was a lot better than the bright white lights in Steve's kitchen. 

"Hope I didn't keep you waiting."

Bucky turns his head to see Steve carrying a tray, abandoning the apron and bringing the tray to Bucky. Steve places it on top of the counter in front of him. Bucky focuses his attention on the food and not on the first two buttons that were undone on Steve's shirt, showing some chest hair. "Thirsty?" Steve asks, and Bucky just nods, not trusting his voice. Steve gives him three options, water, apple juice, and seltzer. Bucky mumbles water and waits for Steve to return from the kitchen, giving Bucky the chance to see what they were eating. 

A few sandwiches were cut into triangles, with no crust, and standing on the plate like pyramids. Next to it, there was a bowl with fruits, grapes, strawberries, and raspberries. It was simple, but for some reason, Bucky felt his heart swell at Steve's effort. He stiffened again when Steve returned with their drinks, plopping himself next to Bucky, sitting on his right side. He hands Bucky a bottle of water while he sets his cup down on the table. 

Bucky wasn't comfortable enough to touch the food until Steve told him to. So, he sat there, rubbing his hands against his pants, and waited for Steve to at least make the first move to the tray. It was silent for a moment, the two men just glancing at one another before looking back at the food. Steve takes one of the sandwiches from the plate, and Bucky follows, feeling comfortable to move from his seat.

"I like your living room," Bucky said, finally finding the confidence to speak. It gets Steve to smile fondly around the room before looking back at Bucky. "Pretty predictable. It's small, but I wanted to mimic the same feeling you get when you go to the movies. Usually, I have my colleagues over once in a while. Still, it's generally for my own entertainment," Steve explained, taking a bite into his sandwich. 

"I noticed... um, the posters. They look custom made," Bucky stuttered, internally cringing at himself for how uncomfortable he sounded. Steve looks over at the wall of posters and nods. A small spark of excitement lights up in his face.

"I drew those myself. Before I became a professor, I used to work on other people's projects. Do their storyboard and stuff. I would usually make posters digitally, but some were hand-drawn. I kept a few for a keepsake," Steve said. Bucky could picture Steve sitting at his table, supplies sprawled all over the table as he worked on several sketches. 

"I didn't know you could draw," Bucky said in awe, blushing at his own reaction. Steve let out a chuckle, rubbing his hands on his thighs, which in turn made it Bucky's focal point. Bucky looks away from Steve's thighs, grabbing another sandwich to distract himself. If he kept staring at Steve, it might give him away. Bucky had accepted that Steve was a straight man in a relationship who was only interested in being his friend. He couldn't allow himself to self-indulgent. 

"Yeah. I used to want to go into animation when I was a kid. Did a few short films back in my twenties but I kind of it as a hobby."

"Do you still uhh... Draw?"

"Yeah. I'm more into drawing from real life now. Kind of lost interest in my stylistic drawings, but I still do it when I can."

Bucky remembered Nat telling him to go off what Steve is talking about, so he does just that. 

"Maybe you can show me some of your animations one day," Bucky said, attempting to give Steve a small smile. He takes his second sandwich even though he was so anxious that the idea of eating made him feel sick.  _ Pace yourself, Barnes,  _ Bucky could imagine Nat saying right now. 

"I can show you one right now- I mean only if you want to?" Steve asks, sounding unsure and timid. Bucky nods his head a bit too enthusiastically but downs his water to not dwell on the fact that he was overthinking everything he saying and doing. Steve's smile grows wider; he grabs the remote from the coffee table, and Bucky watches as Steve flicks onto Youtube. 

"You uploaded them online?" Bucky asked without thinking, a little dazed by how big Steve's TV screen was. 

"Yeah. They're all private, but I thought it's better to have it backed up online than in some harddrive that'll get messed up and lose everything I saved," Steve shrugged. He pulls up the video and gets up from his seat to dim the living room lights, making Bucky feel like he can just disappear into the darkness. 

Bucky leaned back into his seat as the video started playing. Steve explains to him that this was his third short film animation, and the only one he was proud of. He told Bucky that it was an idea for a cartoon he wanted to work on but never approved. Bucky just nodded and kept his focus on the screen, ignoring how Steve's elbow was somewhat touching Bucky's. It was only ten minutes, but Bucky enjoyed the cute story of a turtle being underestimated by his friends. A part of Bucky was hoping maybe Steve would make an appearance in the voice work, but it didn't seem like he took part in that. A proud smile creeps onto Bucky's face when he sees Steve's name appear at the end credits. 

"That was sweet."

"It's not- Thanks, Bucky. I haven't actually shown this to anyone in a while," Steve confesses as he goes back to turn back the lights. Bucky goes for the fruits while Steve's back is turned and places his sandwich back on the tray, unable to stomach the salami stuffed between the bread. 

"And you said that it was meant to be a show?" Bucky asked, nibbling on his strawberry. Steve nods, getting back to his seat. "Yeah. It was for this kids channel back in the late 2010s that doesn't even exist anymore. They said it felt too familiar to another show from the late 90s. Franklin. You remember that show?" Steve asked, placing his hand briefly on Bucky's shoulder before moving it away and grabbing some fruit. 

"Never heard of it. I wasn't allowed to watch TV," Bucky says without thinking. Steve's smile falters a little, which Bucky is quick to notice and quickly feels his chest tighten. "Strict parents?" Steve asks softly. Bucky looks down at his hand, regretting even bringing the subject up at all. "Uh... well, no. Lived with my uncle. He just thought said it rots the brain," Bucky attempts to explain to Steve without giving away too much that would raise any concern. Steve seemed like he wanted to say something, but Bucky found himself speaking again. 

"But in my teens, I would go to the movie theaters. I know it's kind of late, but it was nice. I didn't know there were ways to escape from everything," Bucky gives a weak smile, hoping that maybe he could salvage the mood. It would kill him if he just made Steve uncomfortable and essentially overshare information that should be saved for a much later stage in their friendship. Bucky has only ever had Clint and Nat, and he had met them in his early twenties under weird circumstances. He's never actually gone out and found common interests with a group of people and got close with them. 

"What was the first movie you fell in love with?" Steve asked. It was clear he wanted to bring back the lightheartedness into their conversation. For that, Bucky was grateful for it. Bucky thought for a moment. He rarely visited his adolescent memories, always preferring not to dwell on specific events that led up to the most traumatic moments of his life. When he managed to recall the days, he'd go to the library when they featured "movie night." He smiled fondly to himself, remembering how they always played the most outdated movies. They were movies that came out years ago since they always got their new DVDs shipment after the old ones are too scratched up to use. 

"Little Miss Sunshine... they were playing it at the library near my house when I was fifteen," Bucky said, his cheeks heating up. Bucky explained to Steve how back then he was so nervous about entering the library again after one of the older women working there raised her voice at him. That he hadn't understood that she wasn't mad at him but just had a natural sonorous voice. He told Steve that when he finally had the strength to go back, he saw they were featuring a movie in the backroom. He sat all the way in the back, away from the other kids. He didn't tell Steve it was because he felt like he was intruding on everyone even though the women at the front desk insisted on Bucky to join in. 

"Since then, I started going to those pretty regularly." Steve's eyes soften at Bucky's response, toying with the remote in his hands. 

"I haven't seen that movie since it came out... god, it's been what? Fourteen years... Maybe we can watch it now. Then get dinner started?" 

It took Bucky a second to realize Steve was asking him, not telling him. He looks at Bucky, clearly waiting for an answerback. "You have the movie?" Bucky instead says, causing Steve to let out a small chuckle.

"I can rent it. We can rewatch and see if it still holds up- I mean only if you want to. If you'd rather not-"

"No. I don't mind. We can do that," Bucky gives Steve a reassuring smile.

With that, Steve shifted his attention back to the screen, and Bucky watches as only a few clicks lead to the film's title card. Steve once again dims the lights, and that's when Bucky truly feels like his body can relax. He turned off his music from his phone. Bucky didn't have to overthink what to say and stress about whether he was ruining his day with Steve. He just kept his gaze on the movie; it wasn't hard to forget who was sitting next to him. In the first thirty minutes of the film, all Bucky heard was Steve shifting in his seat and huff or two at a funny scene. But then Steve began to make his presence known when he'd lightly tap on Bucky's arm to grab his attention, telling him the actors' random facts and how it took them five years to make the movie. 

Usually, Bucky hated when someone distracted him from a film. Clint had a habit of chewing on Bucky's ear off, asking him several questions about a movie they both were watching for the first time. But he didn't feel like that with Steve. Instead, he was more attentive to Steve than anything that was happening on the screen. He remembered how Clint poked fun at the film department for being pretentious film snobs that took the pleasure away from the film experience. Still, Bucky couldn't say that this applied to Steve. He seemed thrilled that he had someone to talk to, never criticizing the movie but just adding commentary. 

It made Bucky wonder what Steve was like during work.  _ Did his students like Steve? Is this how Steve acted in his class?  _ Bucky's chest tightens when he realizes that he could easily bump into Steve at work. His smile falters when he thinks of how Steve would probably be too embarrassed to approach him at work. That his eyes would widen at the sight of Bucky mopping the floors at one of the college buildings and would just walk the other way, pretending he never knew Bucky. 

Steve has told him that his job was nothing to be ashamed of, but Bucky knew that words mean nothing, and it's all about behavior and action. Steve was sweet. More than sweet, he was thoughtful the first night they met, even if Bucky had a feeling Steve was probably just avoiding his problems. He still bought Bucky dinner, didn't make him feel uncomfortable about his arm, and didn't hesitate to approach him again at the train station. But that didn't mean Bucky still didn't have his doubts. 

"Bucky. What did you think of the movie?"

Bucky snaps out of his train of thought, staring blankly at Steve, who was much closer to Bucky, as close as one can get in this type of couch anyway. Bucky looked around, a little dazed and feeling like he had lost track of time. 

"Yeah... I think I like it more as an adult," Bucky says, hoping that his answer was good enough for Bucky. Steve nods in agreement, "yeah. I feel like nowadays movies are more gloomy, but I enjoy a more helpful ending," Steve says, getting up to turn the lights back on. He reaches for the tray, and it was clear that Steve did most of the eating. Bucky was hungry, oh, he was famished, but he'd wasn't willing to risk getting sick in the middle of Steve's living room. He was hoping by dinner, his stomach would be under control and actually enjoy Steve's cooking. 

When Steve disappears into the kitchen, Bucky takes the opportunity to fix his hair. He tugs off his beanie, laying it on his lap and running his fingers through his hair, attempting to detangle the ends. He underestimated how fast Steve was because before he can put his beanie back on, Steve was standing on the side, gaping at him. 

"You should leave it like that more often."

Bucky sinks into his seat, unsure what Steve meant by his statement.

"Leave what more often?"

"Your hair. It looks nice... like that. No hat, I mean. I just realized that."

Bucky wished he could hide his face right now, knowing how flushed it must look. "Thank-k you," Bucky said, not making any attempt at putting his beanie back on. 

"I have everything set up in the kitchen. Thought while I make dinner, you can accompany me? I really don't want to just leave you here alone," Steve gestured back to the kitchen, and Bucky froze. The lights were too bright in there, but he also didn't want Steve to just abandon him. He could manage to stay in the kitchen if it meant he had more time to spend with Steve. Bucky nods, getting up from his seat and leaving behind his beanie on his chair. Before Bucky follows Steve into the kitchen, he feels his phone vibrating, and he glances down to see Nat's name popping up. He looks back at Steve and presses his lips together, holding his phone tightly.

"I just need to see what this is about... is that okay?" Bucky asks, worrying that he was coming off rude. "Of course. Let me take you to another room, and you can just join me in the kitchen," Bucky nods, his body tense when Steve places both hands on his shoulder. He focuses on the warmth coming from Steve as he leads to what appears to be his bedroom. Even though it was just to let Bucky have his privacy, he couldn't help but let out a stifled sigh when he enters Steve's room. Bucky winces when Steve turns on the lights, his body recoiling at the brightness. 

A part of him wished he brought his shades that he usually wore at work. Clint had gotten it for him and even talked to their boss to allow Bucky to wear them indoors, explaining to Carol that it would make Bucky work a lot better if he had them on. But Bucky knew better than to show this side of himself to Steve. He didn't want to scare the guy away with his baggage. 

"I'll get the water boiling in the meantime- don't take too long. I would like your company while I try to cook," Steve says in a playful tone, squeezing Bucky's shoulders before letting go of him and leaving the room, closing the door behind him. Bucky is quick to shut off the lights, pressing his back against the wall. He calls Nat back, holding his phone to his ear.

" _ James _ ."

"Hey... you called just now."

" _ Yes. You didn't text me. So I wanted to make sure all was well." _

"It's good... I'm just worried about a few things."

" _ List them for me." _

"But I'm still at Steves."

" _ List them, James. It's better that you tell me what's bothering you so I can tell you that it's all in your head and you can enjoy your date with Steve." _

"It's not a date," Bucky frowns to himself. 

" _ Mhm. Sure, tell yourself that." _

Bucky groans to himself, opening the door quietly and peering through it, hearing shuffling coming from the kitchen. He closes the door and brings his attention back to Nat. 

"I'm worried I'm ruining everything already, Nat. I unintentionally brought up my uncle," Bucky says in a hushed voice, worried that Steve will manage to hear him. There was a pause on Nat's end for a brief moment before she let out a sigh.

" _ Did you tell him anything about that situation?" _

"Just that I wasn't allowed to watch TV."

" _ Then, you're fine. Listen to me here. Do you honestly think he's hyper fixating on every little thing you're doing, or do you think he's actually more concerned about his own behavior? He invited you over because he likes you, James. Didn't you yell at him the first time you guys met?" _

Bucky rubs his face, thinking of how bold he was the first night he met Steve. He wasn't sure where he got the balls to yell at Steve or how composed he stayed the night he had Steve over to his place. 

"I did... god. Nat, maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe it's too soon to try getting out of my comfort zone."

" _ No. No. Don't start with that. You've been doing so much better, and you deserve to break away from your usual routine. You should talk to someone new, that isn't just Clint and me. Steve isn't Brock, and he isn't like your uncle. I'm not saying don't be cautious, but don't let that ruin something that could become important to you in the long run. I'm not going to hold you up. Just recognize that everything is in your head." _

"You're right. I'm sorry. I don't know how you put up with me sometimes."

"Easy. I don't. That's Clint's job to do all that emotional labor. Anything else before I let you go?"

"His lights."

" _ His lights _ ," she stated back, clearly waiting for Bucky to elaborate. 

"It's really bright, Nat. I'm helping him with dinner, and it's too much."

_ "Then, tell him." _

_ " _ I can't-"

_ "James. He knows about the music. This piece of information isn't going to turn him off. Tell him." _

"Okay. Okay... Thank you. Is it okay if you come over tonight after I leave?"

" _ I'll be right in with a fresh cup of tea, and you can tell me all about your date with Steve." _

"It's not a... okay. I'll see you in a bit."

" _ Proshchay." _

_ " _ Bye," Bucky rolled his eyes, ending the call. It takes him a minute to collect himself, slowly realizing that he was, in fact, in Steve's room. That revelation suddenly made him blush like a schoolgirl. 

He takes a deep breath before exiting the room, making his way to the kitchen and stopping at the doorframe. He squints at Steve, who's back is facing him. Bucky clears his throat, grabbing Steve's attention. The older had his sleeves rolled up to his elbow, and the apron was back on him. Bucky also noticed Steve had put on some music, more specifically music he had mentioned to Steve the other day that he liked. 

"Hey. Everything alright?" Steve said, leaving the counter and walking towards Bucky, who was still standing at the doorway. 

"Yeah. It's all good..." Bucky trailed off, keeping his head down.

"You sure?" Steve said; he looked like he wanted to reach for Bucky but kept his hands firmly to himself. 

"You know how the other night. At my place. I said I don't like harsh lights?" Bucky said shyly. He peers up at Steve and sees as his face falls apart, covering his mouth with his hand. 

"I'm sorry, Bucky. I completely forgot. Ah, shit, give me a sec," Steve turns off the kitchen light before Bucky could react. Bucky looked at Steve in the dark with a confused look on his face as he watched him rummage through his drawers. 

Suddenly Bucky can hear the sound of a match being struck and Steve's face being illuminated by the fire coming from the candle. Steve lights up four more candles and spreads them around the kitchen while Bucky slowly enters the room, a smile creeping on his face. 

"Sorry... shit, that's why you were so uncomfortable earlier. I'm sorry, Bucky. I actually got candles because I knew you prefer them over room lighting. I knew I forgot something... oh shit, I turned on my bedroom lights, didn't I? Shit," Steve rambled, running his fingers through his hair in frustration as he paced around the kitchen. Bucky slowly approached Steve as the man began to mutter to himself. 

"Steve, it's fine. I should have told you earlier, but then we were in the living, and the lights there were a lot dimmer, so I felt like there was no use in bringing it up," Bucky explained; it was Bucky's turn to reassure Steve. He placed one hand on Steve's shoulder. It catches Steve off guard, but he isn't bothered by the sudden contact. Instead, he puts his hand over Bucky's wrist.

"Well, I won't make that same mistake again," Steve said like it was a promise he wouldn't break. Bucky was still cautious but allowed himself to believe Steve was gonna be different. 

They stared at each other for a moment, not moving from where they were standing. Bucky could see the way Steve's eyes slowly crept down to his lips before dragging his eyes back up. Bucky tried his best not to shake now that Steve had his hand over his wrist and was now rubbing his thumb gently against Bucky's hand. 

The moment is gone before it even began when the sound of water from the pot falls onto the lite stove, making Bucky back away from Steve. He swears he sees a flash of disappointment on Steve's face, but it only lasts a second before Steve rushes to the stove. 

"I was working on the chicken cutlet; guess I forgot about the penne," Steve looks over at Bucky as he lowers the knob on the stove. Bucky walks up behind Steve, watching him over his shoulder with his tippy toes. Steve is stirring some pasta in the pot. 

Steve smelled nice. Bucky wasn't sure why he was focusing on that, but he was, and now it was all he can focus on. Even when Steve looked over his shoulder and explained to him that he had made the sauce in another pot. All Bucky could do was bask in how nice he smelled and that he wouldn't mind being this close to Steve for the rest of the night. 

"Could you tell me if this is all cooked?" Steve asked and swiftly brought the spoon to Bucky's lips. Bucky blew into the soon before taking a bite of the pasta, blushing at the fact that Steve was feeding him. He gives a thumbs-up, and Steve gives him a satisfied look. 

They do this for another thirty minutes. Bucky trailing behind Steve as he prepares for dinner. Steve declines his offer to help, but in the end, he lets Bucky mix the pasta with the sauce as long as he wore his own apron. Bucky felt like his heart was about to leap out of his chest when Steve puts on the apron for him. It had a cute pig on it, and Steve commented on how much it suited Bucky. 

"I think you're better at this than me, Buck," Steve said, leaning against Bucky's side. Steve was soaking the breaded chicken into the oil, flinching anytime some of it lands on his arm. "You gave me an easier task, buddy," Bucky shot back. All Steve could do was roll his eyes as he placed the two pieces of chicken on two separate plates and helps Bucky pour the pasta onto the dishes. 

When they finish up at the kitchen, Steve blows out the candles and tells Bucky to follow him. They carry their own plates while Steve has a pitcher of lemonade, playfully telling Bucky he wanted to surprise him with his own homemade lemonade. Bucky just snickered at Steve, but deep down, it made his heart swell that Steve even thought of making lemonade for him. 

Bucky furrows his brows when Steve tugs at the curtains in the living room, revealing the balcony behind the glass window. Steve manages to open the glass with both hands occupied and signals Bucky to step on to the terrace. It wasn't too cold, surprisingly, there was a slight breeze. Bucky and Steve step their plates on the small table; Steve leaves the balcony briefly to grab their cups, and Bucky takes a seat. When Steve returns, he pours their drinks before sitting next to Bucky so that they were both looking out at the building across from them. 

This felt like a date. Bucky shook that thought away immediately, refusing to upset himself with unrealistic ideas. 

"Let's dig in. Hopefully, the chicken is eatable," Steve says jokingly as they both start eating. To Bucky's delight, the food was good, and now that his stomach had settled, he was able to eat without worrying about getting sick. 

"Maybe I'm crazy, but this is actually good," Steve says, smirking at Bucky.

"This is your sign that you should cook more," Bucky elbowed Steve.

"Well, only if I have you as company than I might consider, but after tonight, I'll probably just stick to take out."

Bucky took that as a sign that their date- their day together was successful. Steve wanted to have him over. Perhaps Bucky would only have good things to say to Nat when he went back home. The idea of seeing Steve again was so scary now. Was he ready to tell Steve everything? No. But if they kept it at a steady pace, maybe Bucky could consider Steve, his friend. 

"I was kind of worried about tonight," Steve said after a few moments of silence. 

"Why?" Bucky asked, concentrating on his plate. 

"I never really go all out. I mean, I went grocery shopping and looked up how to make such a simple dish because I just wanted to make you feel at home the way you made me feel at home at your place," Steve confessed. Bucky gently sets his fork down and glances over at Steve, a little stunned by the comment. 

"I uh... I don't know. Our circumstance is kind of weird. I hadn't even expected to see you the other night, and when I did... I can't explain it, but I just kind of don't want this to fizz out," Steve continued, now avoiding Bucky's eyes. 

"What I'm trying to say is, I hope that I can see more of you. I was just so stressed out about today. When you stepped out, I was worried that you were going to come back and tell me you had to leave," Steve frowned a little at the last sentence, finally turning back to Bucky. It was clear that Steve was hiding his anxiety, just like Bucky. A part of Bucky felt relieved that this day was just as important to Steve, but he also felt guilty for taking Nat's call. He could imagine Steve in the kitchen, concerned that Bucky was secretly planning to leave in the other room. 

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come across like that- I was actually, um, don't laugh, but I was on the phone with my friend. I was kind of panicking about today and needed reassurance? Advice?" Bucky said cautiously. He watched as Steve's brow raised, clearly taken back by Bucky's own confession. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. I wasn't lying when I say I don't usually do this kind of thing. I kind of only have two friends, and I've known them for some time now. So, I'm kind of out of my element here," Bucky shrugged off, ignoring the heat pooling into his cheeks. Steve lets out a strained huff, licking his bottom lips. 

"I only have one close friend. Everyone else is just kind of background noise when I really think about it. I'm probably background noise to them too."

"But what about your..." Bucky stops himself from finishing his sentence. His eyes widen when he realizes what he was about to ask and goes limp when Steve's face scrunches up in confusion. 

"My what?" Steve asks. He didn't sound mad or annoyed, just a little unclear on what Bucky was about to say. 

"Um..." Bucky averts his eyes to his plate, regretting that he was talking so freely.  _ Nat was wrong; it's better if he focused on what he said instead of letting himself go like he just did right now.  _

"Your girlfriend... you know," Bucky mumbled, feeling shame weigh in on him. 

Steve didn't seem to expect the topic to be brought up. He doesn't say anything, which makes Bucky feel even worse. He is about to tell Steve that he should go when Steve finally tells him the news.

"We broke up."

Bucky didn't think this is where the conversation was headed. He looked up at Steve; he didn't seem upset or even hurt by his own comment. Steve looked...  _ relieved? _

"Oh... Oh shit. I'm sorry-"

"No. Bucky, it's okay. It actually happened the very next day I met you... you basically witness the last argument we had. It was for the best. So, don't think you've opened some kind of old wound. I've honestly been doing a lot better." If that wasn't enough for Bucky, Steve pats Bucky's back before gripping onto his bony shoulder. 

Bucky's mind went blank. He wasn't anticipating this. For Steve to tell him that he was single. That he wanted to see more of Bucky... This is a date. Was it? Bucky felt like all the signs were there but refused to let himself get carried away. He definitely going to need to tell Nat this... and Clint. Maybe Clint could weigh in on this because Bucky wasn't sure if Steve was sending him signals or-

"Bucky?" Steve said, snapping Bucky out of his thoughts. 

"Sorry. I... I don't know what's wrong with me," Bucky slouches in defeat. 

"Nothing is wrong with you, Bucky. I... I wanted to tell you that night, but I was kind of worried that it might be too early to get into my personal life," Steve chuckles, making Bucky's lips twitch into a smile.

"Let's finish our food and steer away from the more serious conversation. Keep it light, you know. Now that I know I'll get to see you more often, we can save all that stuff for later," Steve said softly, and all Bucky could do is nod. 

Steve was leaning so close to him that if Bucky turned his face, their lips would probably brush against his each. But of course, Steve moved away from him. They did end up finishing their food as Steve told him a story about one of his students who always loved to interrupt his class to show off his knowledge on the french new wave.

It was almost nine when Bucky told Steve he had to go, they walked to the door, and Steve helped Bucky put on his coat. Steve even packed him some leftovers from dinner and put them in a plastic bag for him. They stood there awkwardly at each other; Bucky was ready to go. He was all set. But he made no attempt to move or even say anything. Bucky sort of didn't want to leave. 

"Can I hug you?" Steve said out of nowhere, his eyelids heavy and his voice coming out deeper than usual. Bucky's mouth gapes open, hoping something will come out from there. 

"Yeah-h," Bucky stuttered. Steve sighs happily and sets a little closer to Bucky, wrapping his arms around Bucky. The embrace was warm, and it made Bucky lightheaded. He leaned into Steve's chest, only being a few inches shorter than Steve, and wrapping his arm around Steve's midsection. Bucky wished he wasn't wearing his jacket because he wanted to feel his chest pressed against Steve. He felt Steve's beard rub his cheek, and Bucky never imagined liking the feeling of someone's beard dragging across his face. Both men stayed like this for a while; Bucky frowned when it had to end as Steve pulled away from the hug.

"You text me when you get home, alright?" Steve said almost in a stern voice. 

Only when Bucky left the building did he realize he left his hat at Steve's place. But god, did he have a conversation waiting for him at his apartment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i appreciate the comments and kudos! Especially the comments, those mean a lot to me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky reveals his past with Brock and Steve tries to find the right words to come out to Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be long and containing both Bucky and Steve's point of view. This fic was meant to be fun. I wasn't concerned about it being well thought out. However, I guess I got too into this fic. There is a lot of heavy topics in this chapter. Trigger warning: Mentions of abuse, physical, sexual and a brief talk on biphobia. 
> 
> This picks off from chapter 4. 

Natasha ran her fingers through Bucky's hair. He had his head resting on her thighs, curled up in bed as he recounted his  _ date  _ with Steve. Natasha kept her word. Bucky found her in his apartment. She was heating up some water for their tea and had already lit up the room with candles. It made Bucky feel warm inside, knowing that he had a friend like Natasha. They had spent the first hour just chatting about every little aspect of his day with Steve. Bucky was worried he was boring Natasha mid-conversation, unable to read her facial expression. But, she kept reassuring him to go on, so he did. 

Bucky was well aware that he'd have to have this talk with Clint soon. Steve made it clear that he wanted to see more of Bucky. That implied Steve would get more involved in Bucky's life, and at some point, Steve would have to meet his friends. It terrified Bucky. The idea of Natasha and Clint meeting Steve. All kinds of irrational thoughts came to Bucky's mind.

_ What if Steve preferred his friends over Bucky? _

_ What if Steve didn't like Bucky's friends at all? _

_ What if he gets overwhelmed with Bucky and his little "quirks"? _

Bucky wasn't sure why he was panicking now. He just left Steve's place, and the man had asked him for a hug. Steve was honest with him. Bucky didn't leave wondering if Steve didn't enjoy his time or had thoughts of slowly losing connection with Bucky. He even got a text message from Steve once he told him he reached safely back home.

** Steve: You have a goodnight, Bucky. **

A simple goodnight text got Bucky all jittery; he couldn't help but flab his hand around before returning his attention to Natasha. The day went well, and he refused to allow his thoughts to ruin it for him.

"You think you'll see more of him?" Natasha asked, pushing the hair away from Bucky's face. 

"I want to... I just don't want to have too many of a good thing. Kind worried the more I get to know him, he'll lose interest or worse- he ends up being like Brock," Bucky confesses. Natasha hands him a pillow, and automatically Bucky draws it close to his chest, turning his body so he's laying on his side. 

"James. You've had the worst kind of people in your life. Steve isn't going to be one of them," Natasha simply stated.

"I feel like you did a background check on him..." Bucky gives her a suspicious look. Natasha offers up an innocent smile, using her hand to cover his eyes, making Bucky squirm under her. 

"I just wanted to get a better idea of him. All I can say is he's a lot more impressive than Brock," Natasha says softly, knowing to tread lightly when discussing Bucky's ex. 

Brock was Bucky's first and only boyfriend Bucky has ever had. They had met through group therapy when Bucky was only 19. It was the same place where he met Clint and Natasha. The group was made up of young adults who had experienced abuse in their household. Whether it was due to mental, physical, or sexual abuse, it was a safe space for anyone attending. It was the first time Bucky had learned that his childhood wasn't normal, but it wasn't uncommon either. 

Clint was there because of years of abuse he endured by his stepmom. His father worked long hours, and Clint had spent most of his childhood with his stepmother, who took out her anger on him any chance she got. When he was only twelve, she struck him so hard that he lost his hearing. His father, who was unaware of the abuse, chalked it up as an accident. The abuse would continue until Clint decided to run away at age 16, he never looked back, and to this day, Bucky is still amazed how much he's managed on his own. Clint was 21 when he started going to group therapy. Bucky remembered how much he related to Clint's story but was so scared to actually approach the older man. Bucky still regrets not becoming Clint's friend sooner. They only started getting close when Bucky was just a few weeks into his relationship with Brock. Clint was the reason he was able to find a job and an apartment; he introduced Natasha to Bucky and helped him find healthy coping mechanisms. Clint is what Bucky always lacked as a kid. Someone to watch after him. 

Natasha was 19 and came at the same time as Bucky. She came from a poor immigrant family who was taken advantage of their lack of resources and knowledge on the country they had moved to. Natasha was granted the opportunity to go to an all-girls boarding school. She'd learn English, useful skills and be able to go to college one day. However, the school had a massive problem with authority figures taking advantage of their mostly undocumented students. Natasha experienced all kinds of abuse for years. It was one of the few stories that Bucky just couldn't sit through and had left the room, overwhelmed by the coldness and pain in Natasha's eyes. Bucky still wondered how she stays so motivated and level-headed. Bucky wasn't aware that his company was what helped Natasha through her own depressive state. She was the type to keep to herself, but she wasn't the type of person who needed to frequently express how she felt. But instead, to know she had someone in her corner. Clint and Bucky were those people. That was enough for her. 

_ Brock _ ... Brock was a particular case. He was around 22 when Bucky first met him at their group therapy. Although he wasn't the first person to come in, already having a negative outlook on the concept of treatment, he was the worst one. He had experienced abuse from his father. He was the embodiment of toxic masculinity. Brock had explained how his father had pushed him as a kid and late into his teen years. Brock was forced to wear certain clothes, eat certain foods, and work out daily. His old man didn't allow any kind of emotions from Brock, expecting him to hold any sort of pain in. One of the worst memories he had experienced was his father finding out Brock was gay and hiring a woman to sleep with him to get the  _ gay out of his system.  _

The thing with Brock was, he never truly learned to overcome his abuse. During one session with Bucky's group, he admitted that his father was awful and should have never gone through the years of abuse he endured. But, he never worked on how that could affect his behavior and how he interacted with people. Brock had become someone who afflicted his trauma onto others. It was Bucky who would end up becoming Brock's fixation. 

Brock was a forward man. Unlike Bucky, who dying to go talk to someone like Clint and Natasha but was too timid to even strike a conversation, Brock came up to Bucky with no issue at all. He approached Bucky meticulously. In Brocks's eyes, Bucky was an easy target to unload all his trauma and anguish on to. Bucky was barely an adult. He only just left his abusive uncle a few years ago, had lost his arm from said abuse, and had no one in his life. Brock would talk to Bucky during the 15-minute break they were given. What made Bucky like Brock so much was that he could keep Bucky engaged in the conversation. He never asked Bucky any personal questions, and he did most of the talking. Brock would bring his phone and let Bucky play games on it when he mostly felt anxious that day or 

Bucky had developed an innocent crush on a person he thought understood him. He only saw the real side of Brock five months into the relationship. The guy who drank too much during the night, who yelled at the smallest things like Bucky accidentally sleeping early before Brock came home. The guy who used Bucky's insecurities and past against him. Brock chose his words wisely for Bucky to stay in the relationship.

_ No one cares about you but me!  _

_ If you leave me, then I'll have nothing. I'll kill myself.  _

_ No wonder your uncle beat you silly. You're so fucking useless. _

_ You are just like everyone else! You don't love me. _

It was only thanks to Clint that Bucky could leave the relationship and file Brock's restraining order. It's not a memory Bucky likes to remember.

"He asked for a hug... so we hugged," Bucky muffled into the pillow, his cheeks red and his lips twitching into a smile. Natasha hums in response, and she begins to braid Bucky's hair. 

"And you say he's only interested in you platonically?" There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Bucky groans in response, hiding his face into the pillow.

"Listen. I think Clint would agree that this was a date," Natasha explains, tugging slightly at Bucky's hair to grab his attention. 

"No. I don't think Clint would like Steve."

"What makes you say that?"

"I feel like... he never liked Brock-"

"Because he knew Brock wasn't a good person-"

"I know. That's why he won't be as accepting as you."

Bucky moves off of Natasha's lap; sitting up, he runs his fingers through the braid, causing Natasha to scowl. "Hey, that was some of my best work..." Natasha says, attempting to be more lighthearted but sees the frown on Bucky's lips, and her smirk drops. "Clint is a little overprotective. I'll give you that, but if you're serious about letting Steve in. Clint will eventually get behind the idea. When are you gonna tell him?" she asks, throwing her arm around Bucky's shoulder. 

"I'm not sure... I kind of wanted the three of us to be together—my place. I can make dinner and tell him. I just don't want him to freak out and try actually finding Steve... Oh god. If he finds out that we work at the same school— Nat, what if he tries confronting Steve?" Bucky turned to Natasha with a panicked look. He could imagine Clint marching up to Steve and bombarding him with questions. 

When Clint had found out about the abuse that Brock was afflicting onto Bucky, Natasha had to convince him not to go out and tear the guy to shreds. Bucky hadn't realized at that point in their friendship that Clint was willing to do anything to keep him safe. 

He felt like he didn't deserve Clint. He was the one who took Bucky in after he left Brock. He was the one who found Bucky an apartment in Natasha's building after he felt like Bucky was ready to live alone. He was the one who got him a job at the college. He taught Bucky how to take the train and how to get by on his own. Clint even found small things that helped ease Bucky's anxiety. The music, the candles, the sunglasses. To some people, these were little things, but it was everything to Bucky. 

He still felt like he didn't deserve Clint.

"Baby steps James. You are thinking about everything all at once. Let's just celebrate this small achievement. You had your first date with Steve," Natasha says in a monotone voice, but there was a hint of emotion in her tone. Bucky didn't even correct her. He just nodded and laid back down on the bed. Natasha follows suit, laying beside Bucky, and they both look up at the glow and the dark star-covered ceiling. 

"You think he likes me?" Bucky suddenly asked.

"If I tell you yes, you won't believe me."

_ She's right.  _

"I know. It's just..."

"You like him, and this is probably your first real healthy crush. It's scary. I know it is. But that's why you got me here. I'll never let you do this alone," Natasha turns her head to give him a small smile. Bucky felt his eyes swell up, his lips trembling as he reached for Natasha's hand and holding it tightly.

He didn't deserve Natasha either. 

☺

It's been a week since Steve last saw Bucky, and he was still riding the high from that night. Especially when he found Bucky's hat on his chair, the first thought that came to mind was making an excuse to see Bucky again. Of course, he texted Bucky immediately once he found the hat. They had been texting more. Steve would find himself grinning down at his phone like an idiot. He was glad he lived alone because of the small little body movements Steve did when he got a text from Bucky, which was becoming embarrassing. Steve had never acted like this with his previous girlfriends. That excitement of getting to talk to them throughout the day or letting his mind wander about them. He's been thinking about Bucky a lot.

** Bucky: So when will I be getting my hat back? Or you planning on keeping it? **

Steve covered his mouth, trying to hide his smile as he typed away on his phone. The more he texted Bucky, the more he felt like he could read the tone in the message.

** Steve: Just give me a time and day. I'll drop it off for you. **

** Bucky: How does Friday sound? **

Steve frowns a little. It was Monday. Steve was hoping to see him sooner but catches himself sulking when he realizes how irrational he was being.  _ God.  _ He was getting way too attached, and it's barely been a day. 

** Steve: That works for me! I can come by and drop it off :) **

Steve was tempted to ask if they could hang out. Sunday went well, even if his anxiety took over for the majority of their day together. Steve had noticed how guarded and quiet Bucky was. The first thing that came to Steve's head was that Bucky had changed his mind. That he regretted making plans with Steve and was gonna find some kind of excuse to leave early. It didn't help that Bucky had to take a call in the other room. That's always a sign that someone was trying to bail, but Steve had come to learn that Bucky wasn't easy to read. 

** Bucky: If you're not too busy, maybe you can stay a little longer? **

Steve smiled down at his phone but was quickly interrupted by Sam. 

"Steve. Sorry I'm late, man. Traffic, you know?" 

Steve looks up, his attention pulled away from his phone and focusing it on Sam, who was taking a seat across from him. They had made plans to grab lunch together- it was more of Steve asking Sam to have lunch with him as an excuse to clear some things up with Sam. For one, Sam didn't know the real reason why him and Sharon broke things off. Sam just assumed things just didn't work out and not for the fact that Steve was gay. Sam also had no clue of Bucky's existence or that Steve had developed a small crush on him. It seemed like it was time to tell Sam, primarily if Steve intended to continue seeing Bucky. Even if he wasn't sure if Bucky was interested him the same way, Steve wanted to see where their friendship was headed. 

"No worries, Sam. This was last minute, remember?" 

Sam waves his hands dismissively. 

"Still. Haven't seen you in weeks."

"We call almost every other day Wilson."

"And? I'm doing most of the talking anyways," Sam scoffs, but his tone is lighthearted. 

"Well. That's why I wanted to see you... to catch up," Steve stammered, feeling his face heat up thinking about Bucky. If things went well, maybe he could ask Sam for advice about Bucky. 

They ordered their food and caught each other up on their life. Sam was telling Steve about his plan to move in with his long-term girlfriend, Maria. How they were weighing the pros and cons of each other's places and came to the conclusion that Maria's place would be their best option. Steve asked if Sam was ever gonna pop the question. They'd been together for five years now, but Sam explained that he liked the pace they were going. They weren't exactly the most traditional couple. They went two years without seeing each other when Maria had a job in New Zealand. They called, and video chatted when they could. It still amazes Steve that they stayed together even when Maria was unsure if the job was permanent or temporary. 

Steve was just glad Sam had someone like Maria to be by his side. 

Steve updated Sam on his job, explaining he might come by campus once in a while but decided that taking winter break off was for the best. He tells Sam his plans to try to make another short animation but has a feeling he's just going to waste his winter break doing nothing. Steve felt his phone vibrate a few times but didn't attempt to check his phone, not wanting to be rude to Sam. It didn't mean that he wasn't itching to look if it was Bucky. 

When Sam excused himself to go to the bathroom, Steve took the opportunity to check his phone. There he found three messages from Bucky, a few minutes apart.

** Bucky: It's ok if you can't. **

** Bucky: Sorry, that was a bit forward.  **

** Bucky: I hope Friday is still ok with you? **

Steve made a face, realizing that Bucky was probably panicking since he left Bucky on read for almost an hour with no response. Although Steve didn't know Bucky on a personal level, he understood that Bucky needed reassurance. Steve quickly types up a reply, hoping he didn't just upset Bucky by leaving him hanging. 

** Steve: I'm sorry about that, Bucky! I'd love to see you on Friday. How does five sound? **

Bucky responds immediately, making Steve's heart swell. 

** Bucky: You sure?? You don't have to stay if you can't.  **

** Steve: I honestly was hoping to see you sooner in the week, actually. **

Steve bit his bottom lip, hoping his message wasn't too forward or weird. He sees the three dots appearing on his screen then it disappears. It does that a few times until Steve decides to send a follow-up message. 

** Steve: Don't tell me you're backing up now? Getting my hopes up here **

Steve prayed that Bucky could read the tone of the text. His heart races as he waits for a response that he doesn't even notice Sam approaching him. 

** Bucky: Oh, please. Because you're just dying to see me. Five it is then! **

** Steve: I am. Told you. I like your company.  **

"What you smiling at Rogers?" 

Steve flinched at the sudden presence of Sam. He quickly sets his phone down and relaxes into his chair, attempting to hide his crimson cheeks.

"Nothing," Steve clears his throat, going back to eating his pasta as if he wasn't just blushing at Bucky's text. Sam raises a brow, staring intently at Steve, who tries his best to avoid Sam's gaze. 

"Talking to a girl?" Sam smirks, causing Steve to choke on his food.

"Might be too soon, but hey, everyone is at a different speed when it comes to moving on," Sam puts his hands up defensively, letting out a small chuckle. Steve frowns, dropping his fork down his plate.

"Uh... not exactly. Actually, there is something I wanted to tell you," Steve said in a more serious tone. Sam looks up from his plate, dropping the grin from his face. 

"Yeah, man. What's up?" 

Steve had to plan this out correctly. He had to explain the break up with Sharon first, then tell Sam he was gay and then tell him about Bucky. It had to be in that order. He didn't want to overwhelm Sam with all this Information. Just stick to the small stuff, then built it up to the more important topic at hand. 

"Ok. This I gonna be a lot. I just want to start off by saying that I'm sorry- for not telling you earlier about this. It's just... it took me a while to come to terms with this," Steve exhaled, feeling his chest tightening. He can feel his palms getting sweaty and his legs bouncing up and down.

"Did you sleep with your student Steve!" Sam shouted, making everyone in the cafe turned to look at him. Steve's eyes widen, he hovers over at the table and whispers, "Sam. No! What the hell!" Sam gives him an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, man. You just sounded like you were about to tell me your dirty little secret or something..." Sam trails off, scratching the back of his neck. Steve relaxed back into his seat but still felt the wave of anxiety building up. 

"It's ok. But it is kind of serious."

"Shit. Ok, ok. Yeah, Steve. What's going on?"

This was it. There was no turning back. 

"Back when I broke up with Sharon... I told you that it was because I just lost interest- that it was a mutual breakup. Well, there was more to it," Steve said cautiously. Sam nodded along, his face all scrunched up as he listened to Steve.

"I figured as much."

"Yeah. It was more- complicated. See, I never really had... romantic feelings for Sharon. I loved her. Still do. I care about Sharon, and I don't regret meeting her. Still, the relationship was built off nothing," Steve took another deep breath, already seeing the way Sam was reacting to their conversation.

"Sorry, I don't follow. You never... you weren't in love with her? Then why did you stay with her?" Sam asked, visibly confused by Steve's explanation.

"I wanted it to work—Sharon's great. Everyone was telling me how perfect we were for each other. Her family saw me as their future son-in-law, and all of you guys were convinced that we were in love. I thought... maybe it would one day click for me. That I'd see myself with Sharon. Married. Maybe have kids. I mean, I know that's what she wanted. It makes sense, but... I can't picture myself settling with a woman, Sam." Steve was hoping that Sam might pick up on what he was trying to say. The idea of coming out terrified Steve, and it wasn't because he was worried Sam would leave or be disgusted by him. It was just new to Steve. He was in his thirties and had no experience with a man or being an out gay man. Steve had attempted to keep that part of him closed off, convinced that it wouldn't surface up. He'd find a woman he'd fall for, and he wouldn't have to acknowledge that side of him. 

"I never really seen you as the type of guy to stay a bachelor. I mean, if you prefer a more casual relationship, more power to you, but that don't sound like you-"

"No. I'm not saying I don't want to be 'held down.' I'm saying... I'm saying that I just can't see myself with any woman," Steve says in a low voice, his hands beginning to shake. Sam didn't seem to have a response, instead opting to just wait for a better explanation. Steve scratches his beard, feeling his phone vibrate the table.

"I like men, Sam. I'm gay."

There was silence coming from Sam. He blinks at Steve, his face expressionless, making Steve even more nervous than before. He couldn't read Sam at this point. Steve wasn't sure if Sam was in shock because he hadn't expected the conversation to take this turn or was disgusted by Steve and didn't know how to react. After a minute, Sam finally gives him a wide grin. 

"So you were talking to a guy, mhm?" Sam smirked, knocking the wind out of Steve. He seemed so casual. As if Steve hadn't just told him that he was with Sharon this entire time, he thought what it would feel to press his body against another man. 

"What?" Steve said, baffled by Sam's question. 

"Come on, Rogers. I know that was a big step for you, and I'm proud of you, don't get me wrong. But the last thing you want me to do is to ask you a bunch of questions and tell you how brave you are- I mean, if we are going to be on the subject of men. You remember Riley?" Sam leans back in his seat, stretching his arms as he looked at Steve with amusement. 

"Yeah. Your roommate back in college," Steve furrowed his brows at Sam.

"Well, we weren't exactly friends."

"What? Wait... You and Riley were-"

"Dating? Yeah. The only reason it didn't work was because of long-distance after we graduated, and Riley's love language is physical touch. So, it would have never worked," Sam shrugged like it was just a known fact about himself.

"Why didn't you tell me... did I give off that I wouldn't approve or-"

"Did I?" Sam then asked, and Steve quickly shut his mouth, understanding where Sam was coming from. 

"Steve. Of course, I wanted to tell you, but I have always had more of a preference for women. I loved Riley, and I never felt the need to really tell people. I mean, being a bisexual man isn't exactly the easiest thing especially being a black bisexual. I still haven't told my mom, and I'd rather if we kept it that way. I'm not ashamed. It just never came up-especially after I started dating Maria. But the last thing I wanna do is make you feel weird, now that you came out to me," Sam said, placing one hand on Steve's shoulder. He gave it a small squeeze before pulling away from Steve. 

"I'm glad you told me, and I'm not upset that you're telling me now. I just want you to know that I'm by your side no matter what," Sam gave him an encouraging smile. Steve could feel his eyes swell up. He clears his throat, trying his best to not start tearing up, and inhales through his nose. 

"Thank you, Sam," Steve whispers, receiving another smile from Sam.

"Now. What's his name?"

Now Steve was back to blushing. He was so busy trying to find the right words to tell Sam he was gay that Steve had forgotten who he wanted to mention earlier. 

"Bucky."

Steve told Sam how they met. From how Bucky yelled at Steve on the train to having dinner with him to their day on Sunday. The entire time Steve talked, Sam just covered his mouth to hide his laughter but listened to Steve as he went on about Bucky. Steve hadn't realized how much he was starting to like Bucky until he began to tell Sam about him. He never had the chance to just gush about the guy, so now that he was given the opportunity, he couldn't stop. 

"You're corny. You know that?" Sam snorted, getting an eye roll from Steve. 

"I have never seen you like this- I mean to be fair. You were never into your previous girlfriends, so it's a bit harder to get all starstruck for them, but damn, Rogers. You've got it bad," Sam crossed his arms, clearly amused by Steve's little crush. 

"It's too early to say that- I just like him."

"Mhm. Well, when are you gonna ask this guy out?" Steve's smile drops, and he sinks into his seat a little. 

"I don't think he swings that way."

"Steve. I didn't think you swung that way until an hour ago, please. You're going to have to find a better excuse."

"An excuse?"

"On why you won't ask him out. You've hung out with the guy on three separate occasions. You said you'll see him on Friday, so that makes it four. Clearly, it's not too early. All you're asking is to establish that you're interested in him and want to get to know him more," Sam said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and he was right. Since this was the first time Steve has been interested in another person and not just following social norms, he was panicking, to say the least. 

"He's... he's more closed off. I don't want to freak him out, but I also don't want things to fizzle out," Steve sighed, feeling a bit defeated. 

"Just talk to him. Listen, on Friday. When it's time for you to head out-, ask him out. He'll either agree to it or not. I mean, what's there to say. Unless you'd rather not risk your friendship with him and just pretend you don't want to sleep with the guy-"

"Sam!"

"-Then do that. But why deprive yourself when you can put yourself out there?"

Of course, Sam was right. He's always right, but sometimes Steve hates it.

It wouldn't kill Steve to ask Bucky out. Bucky was kind; he wouldn't be cruel or mean if he wasn't interested in Steve in that way. But Steve really did want him to say yes if he did ask. The last thing he wanted to do was to hold back his urges to bring Bucky close to his chest and cradle him on his bed.  _ Ok.  _ So, maybe Steve was thinking about Bucky more than usual. But it's hard for Steve to differentiate his feelings since he's spent most of his life suppressing his attraction to men. 

"So... Friday..." Steve trailed off weakly.

"Listen. I'm just telling you how it is, buddy. I'm not saying to listen to me, but I think you should."

"Because you're right," Steve said in a mocking tone. 

"Because I'm right," Sam said with a massive grin on his face. 

Steve looks down at his phone to see a text from Bucky. His face brightens up when he reads the message.

** Bucky: I like your company too, Steve. I can't wait to see you Friday.  **

Maybe Steve has a chance with Bucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I appreciate your comments! I start classes next week so updates might slow down.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't go as planned when Steve sees Bucky on Friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Classes are back again. Trying to stop overthinking everything and actually write something. I tell myself this fic is for fun then worry that it's not written well enough- just gotta write. I try to make this less angsty because honestly who needs that extra stress but there is some in this chapter. I appreciate the comments guys! I love how you notice my efforts with the characters and details. It keeps me going. I apologize if there is any errors.

It was Friday. Steve was going to see Bucky. It was all he could think about. Steve had kept the beanie close by. It sat on his nightstand for the past five days. There were times when Steve would pick up the worn-out hat and just look at it. A part of him hoped that it would give him more clues on who Bucky is as a person. It was  _ absurd _ . Steve knew that. But it gave him great comfort to have something of Buckys. Steve even started texting Sam for more advice on what he should do when he sees Bucky.  _ Of course, _ since Sam was such a great friend. He had no issue bombarding Steve with random messages throughout the day. Sam went as far as telling Steve how he should dress that day. 

Steve was now wearing a red long sleeve henley shirt with black slacks. He trimmed his beard and slicked his hair back. He sprayed a little bit of cologne on his neck and wrist. Steve had a small box filled with cookies that had old 30s movie posters on it. He had seen a bakery that offered pictures on their baked goods and remembered Bucky's wall of all the old poster clippings. He hoped Bucky would appreciate the small detail he spotted at his place. 

After spending a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom checking himself in the mirror, Steve left his apartment. He made sure to send a text to Bucky that he was on his way to give him some time to get ready for his visit. 

Steve had a plan. 

Well, it wasn't a fully-fledged-out plan, but he had an idea how he hoped things would plan out. He just hoped by the end of the night, he can ask Bucky out. Like on a date. It was terrifying since Steve has never asked a man out on a date, and he had no idea if Bucky was even interested in men. He was taking a risk, but he trusted Sam's advice. 

It takes less than twenty minutes for Steve to get to Bucky's place, but Steve takes his time going up the stairs and mentally preparing himself for what he was about to ask Bucky. It wasn't that being friends with Bucky wasn't enough, but Steve definitely wanted more. 

Once Steve reaches Bucky's door, he takes a deep breath. He was unsure if the doorbell would overwhelm Bucky, so he opts to knock on his door. He can hear footsteps and things being dragged against the floor. Steve gripped tightly onto the box; his nerves were getting the best of him. His heart began to race once Bucky opened the door, and his scent hit Steve like a ton of bricks. The young man's hair was damp, there was a small towel around his neck, and his t-shirt stuck to his body. Steve noticed that Bucky had shaved. It made him look younger— softer almost. Steve just wanted to trace his lips down his jaw. 

He always imagined what it's like to kiss someone with a freshly-shaven face. He remembered when he was with Sharon and decided to shave his beard at the beginning of his relationship. Sharon always commented on how much she preferred it over his beard, saying how she loved the feeling on her lips when she kissed him. It's partially why he never shaved it again. Sharon didn't like beard burn, and Steve didn't enjoy their makeout session as she did. But now that's all he can think about—Sharon's comment. 

Steve wasn't gawking. Bucky just looked so sweet. Steve felt a wave of emotions, one of them being to protect. He wanted to wrap a large blanket around Bucky and hold him close to his chest. This was a new feeling for Steve, and it was terrifying. 

Steve cleared his throat, smiling tightly. "Hey Bucky," his voice cracked a little receiving a gentle smile from Bucky. "Come in, Steve," he said calmly, and Steve nods, stepping into Bucky's apartment. 

Steve couldn't help but inhale all the fragrances in Bucky's place. The man once again had candles all around the home. His radio played softly. There was already a glass pitcher filled with lemonade and two glass cups on the coffee table. Steve wanted to think that this was a sign. That Bucky was trying to set the mood, but he knew Bucky well enough that this is how he lounged around on a Friday night. Steve immediately kicked off his shoes and followed Bucky to the pillows on the floor. 

Steve had forgotten about the bag completely, gripping it tightly to his side as he took a seat around the coffee table beside Bucky. He didn't seem to ask Steve about the bag; he just focused on pouring Steve a glass of lemonade. 

"How's your week been?" Bucky asked, sliding the cup towards Steve. 

_ Well, I came out to my best friend. _

_ And I have been trying to find the right words to ask you out. _

"Pretty boring. I forgot how calm it is during winter break," Steve shrugged, wishing he would have told Bucky at least his news with Sam. He hadn't even talked to Bucky about Sam— Bucky has never mentioned his friends either. Shit. Maybe asking him out would be too soon... no, no. That's what datings about, getting to know the person. He needed to stop finding reasons to back away from this. 

"Ah. I'd kill for a boring week. Been working nonstop. Took some overtime," Bucky explained before taking a sip of his drink. He tosses the towel that was around his neck onto the bed and situated himself on the pillow under him. 

Steve looked over at Bucky's hand, tenderly touching his glass. Steve had the urge to just reach for it but didn't. 

"Do you at least have some company? I know the custodians at my campus usually have a buddy with them or got their headphones on," Steve shrugged. He notices the way Bucky's eyes shift away from him, his body tensing up. But before Steve could even comment, Bucky turned to him and nodded cautiously. 

"Yeah. It's just tiring, and it's kind of overwhelming to work on a school campus," Bucky confesses. 

"What made you want to work in one anyways— not trying to downplay your job or anything-"

"No. I know Steve-"

"-I just wanna know... more about you," Steve covers his mouth with his hand, feeling himself shaking a little. Bucky didn't seem to notice; instead, he blushes at his comment, tucking a few strains of hair behind his ear. 

"Uh yeah. Um... I never really had a job before. I've always, um, needed help with things but my friend, Clint. He's the one that works with me. He got a really good gig at the college. So, when I felt like I was ready to work... I asked him, and now it's been a few years. I actually wanted to, uh, study there too. You get benefits from working for a certain amount of years. Either your close relatives or yourself get tuition relief. But... I don't know what to study," Bucky brought his knees to his chest, grinning to himself. 

Steve's face softens. He wanted that for Bucky. He wondered what kind of interests he took part in. The man was closed off. At times, all Steve wanted to do was ask Bucky to just tell him everything over some hot beverage and wrap themselves in a blanket. But that's just Steve daydreaming domesticity. It's funny how Steve seemed so turned off by the idea of being near someone in such an intimate way when he was with Sharon but with Bucky... It's all he could think of. 

"Well... what do you like, Bucky?" 

That question seemed to catch Bucky off guard. Steve decided to store that information for later. 

"I like... history a lot. I mean, it's kind of obvious, but what could I do with that?" Bucky's smile falters. Steve finds himself leaning forward, his hand inching closer to Buckys.

"Lots of things, Buck. Listen. Sometimes you can just go there to just... learn. I mean, I know this country doesn't exactly let us enjoy things because we have to make our interests into profits, but... if you have the resources, just doing it to learn more about the things you like is fine too. It's more than fine; it might actually lead you somewhere," Steve said. He took the chance to put his hand over Bucky, giving it a small tap before pulling away. Bucky's eyes are wide. He bites his lower lip looks down at his hand.

"You really think so? But... what if I'm not- academic enough?" Bucky asks in an unsure tone. 

"Learning isn't some kind of club. It can be challenging, but it shouldn't prevent you from trying to further your education."

"I know I just..." Bucky trailed off. His eyebrows furrow, like he was going over something in his head. 

"I never really been to a regular school. I got my GED thanks to Clint but, I don't know too much."

Steve frowns but not because Bucky wasn't privileged enough to have the school experience most people go through. But because it seemed like Bucky was putting off his education due to his belief in his intelligence. "You know," Steve started, scooting closer to Bucky. 

"I suck at academic shit- like, I'm more of a visual learner. I never liked science or math or even history, for that matter. I was always into the arts. I just did ok to graduate, but... I never really got past my dilemmas with academy," Steve says in a lighthearted tone. Bucky let out a snort, shaking his head at Steve.

"So you decided to become a professor?"

Steve grinned at Bucky, pleased with the shift in mood. 

"Yes. Look, it wasn't always the plan. Like I said, I used to actually work on projects and went to all kinds of events, but I found myself liking having students learn from me. I just want to provide the right tools for someone to succeed one day in the industry," Steve revealed, running his fingers through his hair. He explained to Bucky that his career was picking up at some point, but he grew a distaste of the film industry. He liked the small niche community he had built and would much rather interact with the small film productions and amateur movie makers who had more to offer. 

"I also just like... being in a quiet setting. I like normalcy."

"I can understand that. I used to want to work at the library I used to go to as a kid. I mean, that place is the definition of peace. People always say they want their life to be filled with crazy adventures and like... changes. Still, I kind of just want to cut a small piece for myself and enjoy it," Bucky softly said, resting his chin on his knees.

Steve gaped at Bucky's response. It made sense to him. That's how he wanted his life to be—a simple life filled with occasional milestones. It wasn't like he didn't want to travel or do something out of his comfort zone. He just didn't want it to be his life.

"Exactly. Took the words right out of my mouth. So, you should really look into classes when you're ready. Trust me, I think you'll find yourself enjoying it," Steve reassures Bucky.

"Ok... I don't think they'll let me play my music," Bucky says in a half-hearted tone. Steve sighs, shaking his head. 

"Maybe, but it might be distracting to the students. But maybe we can figure that out together?" 

"You'd do that?" Bucky blinks at Steve.

"Of course. I've had students who needed accommodations in the past. We always figured something out," Steve explained, but for some reason, Bucky frowned at his response, looking down at his hand. Steve felt his stomach dropped, unsure what he said that made Bucky upset. But the feeling doesn't last forever when Bucky looks up at him with a small pout. 

"How would you help me, Steve?"

Steve knew that Bucky didn't mean it to sound like _ that _ . But the way he was looking at Steve, the way his voice went soft and low went straight to Steve's pants. He couldn't hold back the distilled sigh, but Bucky didn't seem to notice. 

"We'd-" 

Steve paused when his voice came out breathy. He took a deep breath before continuing, trying to ignore the warm sensation below his stomach. 

"We'd start small. See what environment you'd be comfortable with. One day, you and I can review all this together once you feel ready to start classes," Steve exhaled, feeling like he was holding his breath. Bucky just nodded, occupied with his own thoughts. Steve was wondering if Bucky realized how much he was having an effect on him right now. 

"Would... it be weird that I'm older than everyone else?" Bucky asked, licking his lips slowly. 

Fuck. Steve wasn't sure if it was the fact he hadn't gotten laid in months or the only people he had ever slept with were people he wasn't attracted to. But his body could not handle the simplest thing like Bucky licking his lips while he rubbed his cheeks against his knees. 

"Not at all. You have every right to be there, just like the rest of them."

That seemed to put a smile on Bucky's face, and Steve swore to himself that he'd make smile more often. 

After that, they talked some more about whatever came up in the conversation. Bucky seemed focused on not bringing up his personal life. It made Steve want to know more. There was clearly something there, and Steve wasn't interested in pushing it out of Bucky. But he definitely knew he wanted to be able to make him comfortable enough to come to him about it one day. He needed to prove his worth to Bucky. Steve was willing to do that. 

Later Bucky takes care of their glasses, brings them to the kitchen, and Steve is quick to get the pitcher for him. He ignores Bucky's objection and helps set it in the sink. They then awkwardly stare at each other over the sink, Bucky swaying his body back in forth. Steve felt the urge to place his hands on Bucky's waist, wanting to pull him closer. He wanted to just feel his warmth against his own body like the other night at his place. He knew asking for a hug was pushing it, but it came out unexpected. When Bucky agreed, he took his opportunity. 

He wanted to hold him again. 

"Oh! Did you bring my hat?" Bucky asked suddenly. Steve places his hand on his forehead, nodding, apologizing for keeping it hostage in his bag all this time. 

"Let me grab it, ok? I'll be right back," Stee muttered before rushing off to the seating area and grabbing the bag from where he was seated earlier. Bucky leaned back against the counter and looked at Steve with amusement. Steve felt his heart racing as he went back to Bucky, handing him the bag with a small grin. 

"Is there really only a hat in here?" Bucky asked, lifting the bag up and down. Steve rubbed his neck, his face heating up. 

"Not quite."

Steve watched as Bucky grabbed the box from inside, setting the brown bag down on the kitchen counter. He opens it gently and stares down at the content inside. Steve swore he saw Bucky's lips quiver a little. He watches as Bucky sets the box down on the table and looks over at him.

"You didn't have to do all that, Steve..."

Steve bit his lip. He leans closer to Bucky's side. "I wanted to."

There was a moment where Bucky didn't say anything. He looked over at the cookies again, like he had to be sure that he saw it right. Bucky turned back to Steve, his eyes slightly tearing up. "Um... fuck." Bucky muttered, looking away from Steve's gaze. He looks back at Steve again, his cheeks turning red as he asks, "can I give you a hug?" 

Steve's eyes widen at the question. Bucky was inviting him for close contact. He wanted to hug Steve. It made his chest flutter; his body was well aware of the excitement he was feeling. He nodded almost automatically at the question. 

"I'd like that," was all Steve said before Bucky quickly latched onto him. The younger man pressed his face against Steve's neck, and all Steve can focus is the soft sensation he was feeling there. Steve naturally wrapped his arms around Bucky, one around his waist and the other around his shoulder. He brings Bucky closer to him as much as possible and buries his face into Bucky's neck. 

So, maybe they didn't hug like normal friends, but perhaps that's a sign that Bucky was also interested in Steve?

Steve didn't want to think. He just wanted to hold Bucky. 

Bucky didn't make any attempt to pull away, so Steve stayed put. He leaned his body back against the edge of the kitchen counter and rubbed Bucky's back a little. This felt right. It never felt like this with anyone else. This felt more intimate than "making love" to his previous girlfriends. He felt like he was... protecting Bucky. Shielding him from whatever Bucky was fearful of. Steve agonized at the idea of ending this. He just wanted to stay like this for a little while. 

"No one's ever done for me," Bucky suddenly spoke up, startling Steve a little. 

"Get you cookies?"

Steve wanted to say, sweetheart. It was at the tip of his tongue, but he knew he had to work up to that.

"Mhm. Cookies like that. I didn't think you'd notice that I like that stuff," Bucky sounded so small in Steve's arms. It made him want to kiss him all ov-

"For sweet things or the 30s?" Steve couldn't help but let out a chuckle at Bucky's tone. There was no trace of sarcasm to be found. 

"Both. But mostly the second part."

Steve happily sighed into Bucky's neck, hoping his beard wasn't hurting him. The room fell silent, but it was the peaceful kind. Steve found himself swaying their bodies together like they were dancing along to the music that was playing. Steve's hand found its way to Bucky's hair. Stroking it gently, wondering if Bucky was weirded out by their sudden intimacy or was content with it like Steve. 

That moment, however, was short-lived when suddenly someone came into Bucky's apartment. A man, to be more specific. A really angry man. 

"Bucky, is it ok if I crash over he- What the hell are you doing?" the man spat, causing the two men to move away from each other. 

Steve hadn't noticed the door being unlocked, nor did he hear someone open it until he heard the loud footsteps coming from his right side. And since Bucky was basically buried into Steve's chest, he didn't have time to react to the sudden disruption. 

"Clint!" Bucky said in a panicked voice. 

Clint? Clint. Oh. Clint. The friend Bucky had mentioned earlier. The one who was glaring at Steve... who was coming closer to Steve. Clint pulled Bucky away from Steve, examining Bucky as if he was injured or something. 

"Hey, Bucky. You ok?" Clint's voice instantly changed. He sounded gentler. He placed his hands on Bucky's cheeks, and Steve felt a punch in the gut at the sight of it. 

"Yeah! Clint, don't freak out-"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Listen this is-"

Clint turned to Steve, sending daggers in his direction. 

"I need you to leave if you know what's good for you," Clint said in a threatening tone.

Two things were going through Steve's head. One, Clint wasn't just Bucky's friend but his... boyfriend. Steve would hate to think the man he was starting to like was already in a relationship, but he tried to keep that emotion from surfacing up. The second thought piggybacked on the first thought. Clint, Bucky's Boyfriend, is not only based on how nervous Bucky seemed to get- he might be hurting Bucky. Why else would Bucky fail to mention to Clint who Steve was, or for that matter, why did Bucky look like he was on the brink of a breakdown? 

Steve wanted to rush to his side but knew he was better off getting Clint to calm down. 

"Clint. He wasn't hurting me," Bucky stepped in, his breath hitching. Clint gives him a confused look, glancing over at Steve then at Bucky. 

"Who is he?" he then asks, giving Steve a weary look. 

"He's my friend. This is Steve. I met him a while ago, and we were just hanging out," Steve could hear the way Bucky's voice cracked. He frowned at the way Bucky was shaking. He didn't fully understand what was going on, but he couldn't leave. Steve was willing to deal with Clint if it would mean soothing Bucky. Clint's face scrunches up, even more confused. He looks over at Steve. 

He didn't trust Steve. It was all over his face.

"You guys were... hugging."

Bucky nodded, but before he can say further explain himself, a redhead appeared at the door. All three men turn to her; it seemed like they knew her because Bucky's body relaxed immediately at the sight of her. 

"Clint. Come," the woman said calmly, gesturing her head towards the door. Clint frowned, bringing his attention back to Bucky. There was a frown on his face. 

"Do you know him, Tash?"

The tension in the room was thick, and Steve understood none of it. Hell, he was confused when Clint entered the picture now; there was someone else to add to the chaos. 

"You can say that. Now come over. Let's leave the two alone, ok? Bucky will come back and explain everything," she kept her tone neutral, not giving away any kind of emotion. It's almost scary. Clint's stare lingers a little at Bucky before he turned and walked towards the redhead. 

He gives Bucky one more look before disappearing into the hallway. 

The redhead then turns to Steve and smirks at him before saying, "it's nice to finally meet you, Steve. I'm Natasha, Bucky's friend. He's told me lots of things about you." 

Steve looks over at Bucky, who was now blushing, hiding his face away from the two. Steve wasn't sure if it was a bad thing or a good thing, but all he knew is at least one person in Bucky's life knew about him. 

"It's nice to meet you too," Steve managed to say.

"Well, I'll let you two enjoy each other and try to calm Clint down," she said before closing the door behind her, leaving Steve and Bucky alone. 

Not even a second later does Steve hurry to Bucky's side, only stopping a few inches away from him. Bucky looked down in embarrassment, frowning at the floor. Steve felt his arm move towards Bucky but brought it back to his side, unsure if it was appropriate.

"Are you ok?" Bucky looked up, his chin wobbly, but he takes a deep breath and nods.

"I'm sorry, Steve," Bucky said in a defeated tone. Steve shook his head and brought his hands to Bucky's shoulder. When the man didn't flinch at the touch, Steve began rubbing down his arm.

"You got nothing to be sorry about."

"But Clint came in, and he yelled at you. I know if Nat didn't come in, he'd probably have done something stupid."

"Still not your fault."

Bucky bit his bottom lip, gazing up at Steve's eyes as if he was trying to read something in them. 

"I just never got to..." Bucky trailed off, dropping his head down to avoid Steve's eyes.

"Never got to do what, Buck?"

Oddly enough, Steve was hoping for some kind of confession. That the hug meant Bucky wanted to lead it somewhere else. But he couldn't get the image of Clint caressing Bucky's face out of his head. There had to be something there. Steve might have never had a chance.

"I never got to tell Clint about you... he's pretty protective over me. I uh, I've never had the best experience with other people outside of Clint and Nat. Bad experiences actually," Bucky cleared his voice, returning his gaze back up to Steve. 

Steve's shoulder tenses a little. He wasn't sure what kind of encounters Bucky had, but it must have been bad based on Clint's reaction. 

"I'm not upset with you or with Clint, for that matter. If that's what you are worried about here."

"I mean, yeah, but... I don't know."

Bucky sighed in frustration and moved away from his touch. It was gut-wrenching for Steve to see the way Bucky was closing off on him. Steve looked around; he suddenly felt like their little bubble had been popped, which made Steve panic. He was fearful that Bucky was going to start pulling away. 

"Would you feel comfortable if I left?" Steve asked tenderly, not wanting to distress Bucky any further. 

Bucky is quick to turn around, making a face at him. He paces back to Steve and rubs his eyes as if he'd been crying. 

"I don't want you to leave... do you want to leave?" Bucky's voice cracked at the question. 

"No. I kind of... um wanted to..."

Steve takes another moment to recollect his thoughts. He wanted to ask Bucky out; there was no question about it. That was the plan since he met up with Sam, but it didn't feel right to ask. Bucky was practically still shaking, and Steve was still unclear about the kind of relationship he had with Clint. It would overwhelm Bucky. Steve couldn't do that to him. 

"I kind of wanted to stay a little longer, but only if you'll have me."

Bucky smiled at him. "Only if you'll have me," he snorted, leaning his head against Steve's shoulder and letting out a small chuckle. Steve felt his arms moving around Bucky, closing him into his chest. Bucky instantly relaxed into his arms and lazily wrapped his arm around Steve's midsection. 

"Such a softy," Bucky breathed. 

"Oh really now," Steve said more confidently, hearing the joking tone in Bucky's voice. 

"Yeah. A bit corny too," Bucky teased, his face still buried into Steve's chest. 

"But you seem to like it a lot," Steve huffed, smiling to himself. He heard Bucky hum in response and he felt all the stress from a few minutes ago wash away from them. 

Steve would only stay another hour, sensing that Bucky was antsy from Clint and probably wanted to go back and see him. Explain things, Steve assumed. It was a little defeating to leave without telling Bucky anything in regards to going on a date with him, but Steve was still hopeful. He had to be. They'd hug again before Steve left, Bucky telling him to text him when he got home safe and that he'll keep him posted on classes. So, Steve had hope. 

When Steve reached back home, he fell onto the couch and exhaled loudly, feeling his body tensing up. He shoots Bucky a quick text that he was home and doesn't get a response. Steve knew that Bucky was probably with his friends, but his chest was aching, and he felt his hands shaking. He knew he was irrational, but he was fearful of potentially losing Bucky. 

He hadn't realized till now how attached he was becoming. 

Without Steve thinking, he calls Sam, bringing his phone to his ear. It took two rings until Sam picked up the phone, already sounding excited. 

"How'd it go?"

Steve frowned at the question. 

"It didn't go."

"What? Wait, what happened? Did you chicken out, or did he say no?"

"I didn't ask him at all." 

Steve heard Sam scoff on the other line. 

"Why not? Man, I told you not to overthink it."

"It's... Fuck. Sam, I was gonna ask him. I was, but we were interrupted."

"By who?"

"His friend... or at least I hope he's just his friend," Steve's face scrunched up, feeling himself shaking again at the memory. 

There was a pause on Sam's end.

"You think that Bucky might be taken."

Steve wasn't sure why his stomach turned at that statement, but it did. It hurt a lot, and now he couldn't stop replaying the way Clint was touching Bucky. Why did it hurt so much to witness it. 

"I don't know... Bucky said that he was his friend. That... this guy Clint-"

"Oh, he's a Clint now-"

"Is just overprotective with him. He came in already assuming I was hurting Bucky, and he kept telling me to leave. Bucky said- he basically said that he hasn't had the best experience in the past with other people."

"You told me that Bucky has some... quirks, right?"

Steve sighed, unbuttoning his shirt and tossing his shoes to help him wind down. 

"Not in those terms, but yeah. Bucky has crouches that help him," Steve said in an almost offended tone. 

"Calm yourself, Rogers. I'm not about to shame the man, especially in my field of work," Sam fired back.

"Sorry, I just uh..."

"You're protective over him, Steve. I know. Just like this Clint guy, yeah? I just want you to think, obviously he's been through something. Maybe more than something- maybe some kind of trauma that causes a person like Clint to be warry of new people," Sam tried to explain. 

"I mean, how did Clint get in the apartment?" Sam then asked. 

"He just walked in. Had a key with him actually," Steve answered. 

"See. There is something there. He's just not ready to tell you the full story," Sam tried to reassure Steve over the phone. 

"No, I know. I just... I'm worried about... him pushing me away. I know that's selfish-"

"Buddy. You're the last person to be selfish. The fact that you read the room and didn't ask him out after that whole debacle proves you wanna move at Bucky's pace. Maybe wait till you feel like he's ready," Sam sighed. 

He was right. Steve just had to let things take their course. After a few minutes of talking, they hung up, Sam telling Steve that he better not let this keep him up at night. Steve, of course, half-heartedly scoffed at him and got ready for bed. He still smelled of Bucky, which was comforting. He laid in bed and brought one of the pillows to his chest. Before Bucky, he didn't mind sleeping alone; if anything, he preferred it that way, but everything felt wrong now. 

Just a few minutes into Steve attempting to drift off to sleep, his phone rings, causing him to turn to his nightstand. He grabs his phone and see's Bucky's name illuminating the screen. There was a small smile tugging at Steve's mouth as he hits accept and brings the phone to his ear. 

"Hi, Bucky. You ok?" was the first thing he said, his voice coming out a bit rough. 

"I'm ok... I'm sorry if I just woke you up," Bucky said in a low voice. Steve couldn't help but picture him curled up in bed, hiding under his covers. Steve had to suppress his groan as he turned back to grip tightly at his pillow. 

"Couldn't sleep."

"Me too... Wanted to hear your voice."

Steve's face heats up, pressing his face against the pillow. 

"Yeah... first time we really called like this."

"I was worried you wouldn't... pick up," Bucky's said in a worried tone; Steve frowned.

"Is everything ok with Clint now?" Steve asked cautiously. He didn't want to seem nosy, but he felt like maybe something might have happened. 

"Nothing that won't be resolved. Clint was upset that... that I never told him about you."

"He's your friend Bucky. You'll move past this... I actually only recently told my friend about you, you know?"

"Really?" Bucky asked, a bit shocked. Steve chuckled into the phone. 

"Yeah. So, don't sweat it, ok? However, he feels right now- he'll get over it."

"Hopefully soon. Clint is like a grumpy old man when he's upset," the tension in Bucky's tone leaves, his demeanor more lighthearted now. 

"I hope you know... I wasn't embarrassed to tell him about you."

"That didn't even come to mind, Bucky. Trust me, you don't have to worry about that. I am kind of embarrassing," Steve said, feeling his eyelids getting a bit heavy. He puts Bucky on speaker and rests the phone on his pillow. 

"Maybe a little," Bucky jokingly said. Steve swore Bucky giggled. 

Steve found it hard to stay up; he could hear Bucky's breathing on the other line. He already assumed that he might have fallen asleep, but Bucky spoke up one more time, "maybe we can call like this... again," Bucky said in hesitation. Steve smiled to himself, glad he was still somewhat awake for this. 

"I'd like that."

"Me too."

Steve's eyelids got heavier, and he found himself drifted off to sleep, the sound of Bucky's breathing accompanying him. 

Their little bubble was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't leave you guys on a stressful cliffhanger. Maybe one day- but not today. I tried to make this chapter long since my updates are consistent! Thanks for reading. Will update soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you Enjoyed!


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